Looking too hard for that happy ending

Everyone is looking for it. Every day, every action we take is a step. Whether it's a step in the right direction or not is debatable.

I always though I was stepping the wrong way. Sabotaging myself every step. Always screwing something up. I thought I was taking myself down a long road of loneliness and destruction. Well I got tired of the depression, of the constant nagging that I had already ruined my chances.

I'd felt that way since I started homeschooling, and it was about time to stop that shit.

So I threw a [/emo] into my code. I started taking steps to make myself less of a social pushover. I talked to people. Talking to people was the hardest step. I clam up around anyone I haven't been around for a while. It's my biggest downfall and I'm well aware of it. That awareness helped a lot.

Talking to people led to things like being invited to parties. Parties led to meeting new people. Meeting new people led to hanging out more. Hanging out more meant meeting MORE new people.

I think I might almost be done with my little shy phase I had going on there. I'm getting back to the social creature I was back in elementary school. It's strange to think that I had this life then, and completely lost my nerve after homeschooling.

So today I have the drive, I've taken the steps. I'm moving back to being as social as everyone else, and while being unique is nice, I can retain my uniqueness while being social. What I've done is a step toward the happy ending I so desperately strive for, but it has me thinking.

Everything changes so much, so often. People's opinions of you change. Your every action changes what people think of you. You take one rash action, a complete disconnect from the normal you, and depending on what you've done, it completely changes what the people around you think. People judge.

Is that happy ending really so hard to achieve? It seems to me if you can keep your head, not react so much to the things around you, think before you act, you don't have as many problems, you can do what you really think is right rather than what your instincts say to do.

I've patched this family up through fights by being the one to step back and think about it, while everyone else yells the first thing that comes to mind, do I yell? No. I think. I reason. I try to see all sides of the story. How it changes things for everyone. How the largest number of people can be happy with the outcome. It's not about who's wrong, because having the fight in the first place proves that it's gone too far. It's not about who's right, because if they were so, there wouldn't be a fight. Truth is, nobody is right or wrong. Everyone states opinion, and disagreements enlarge themselves into fights, and fights get large enough to excommunicate family members (in this family, at least). Is it right to excommunicate a family member?

Depends on your viewpoint.

The problem is that in this family we have two dominant personalities, that of my always-thinks-she's-right sister, and the always-has-to-argue-his-opinion stepdad. Their opinions do not jive. It always degenerates into a big fight that everyone is tired of hearing. How was it solved this last time? My step-dad banned my sister from the house. Even though it's a little extreme, it solves the problem in the easiest way possible. They can't get along when they're in the same room. He's not going to NOT come home. She can't just stay hidden the whole time. SO, if she stays at a nearby relative's house instead of here, there is no problem.

Note also that they both are happy with that agreement. Nobody feels put out except for Mom, who thinks my step-dad should just button his yap. I'd say it's my sister who should shut up. Even if she doesn't agree, it's disrespectful to him, the person paying for her trips here, for her to be yelling at him over some petty disagreement.

Kids these days have no respect.

To date, however, I've never had any kind of major disagreement because I THINK about what I'm about to say. I stop myself if it causes an unneccisary and destructive argument. On top of it all, I'm ALWAYS willing to admit to being wrong.