Wait, so people actually READ this?

Wow... so I walk into IRC today and get all kinds of hugs from people. I guess the either have me RSS-ed or were linked by someone who does. To all of you: I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Ahem... anyway, I got my Megatokyo bag in the mail today and realized how awesome it was to have my company name under my name... Dented Helm Productions sounds so professional.

Loaded up, it contains: My phone, my camera, my palm, a pad of white 8.5x11 paper, a binder, a small notebook I'm writing a story in, a set of sketching/shading pencils, thin tipped sharpie, regular sharpie, mechanical pencil, pencil sharpener, Bic Velocity Gel pen... black, Bic Velocity ballpoint pen... red... blue, spray-on deodorant, Listerine breath strips/spray, toothbrush, toothpaste, wallet, and some business cards in the back ID pocket.

Anyway, thanks for reading everyone, I wasn't expecting it XD

Today fails.

Today sucked. It wasn't one of those days where everyone was pissed off and angry. I'd prefer that to what today was. Oh no, it was worse than that. I've been late to everything today. Not necessarily physically late for things, but mentally I just wasn't there.

So I'm pretty much just depressed. Feeling a little behind. Lonely mostly.

What was really where it hit me hard how much this day sucked, was when I was finally done with what I had to do and was ready to go chat with people... everyone had gone to bed. Nobody was doing anything on cam, the chat rooms were devoid of the regulars I so adored, and the foreign people were off doing other things.

I miss them already. I feel bad for not even having had the chance to say goodnight. But why?

These people are the closest thing to friends I see more than once a week. It's both a brilliant part of the internet, and it's dark underbelly. It's addictive. While yes, I would much rather prefer to hang out with real people in the real world, I enjoy people online better because I don't have to look far to find someone who's like me, who shares the same interests I do. The problem lies in that I can't just have friends on the internet. I need touch, perspective, to actually go somewhere with someone and be away from home.

I think I'll get away for the weekend. Go see my cousin and his friends, if I can. If I can't, I think this weekend would be a good weekend to go meet someone new. Maybe more gamers? Someone I know from one of these Colorado gaming websites, perhaps?

I don't know. What should I do? How do I ask my mother? All these questions fly through my mind. The problem lies in that nobody I'm going to want to hang out with will be accepted by my mom, or stepdad for that matter.

This freaks me out though... I'm so suddenly depressed for no real easily discernible reason.

*sigh*, Trackmania, please save me. Even the motivational poster lookalikes are funny... all of them. I need help.

The Real America

Recently my local grocery store underwent a renovation. Today I took my first trip into that store, which we had avoided for years. Why, you ask? Well, simply and shallowly, I did NOT enjoy the company. Specifically, the area has a few problems with illegal immigrants, people living here without knowing English, etc. etc. It's a family prejudice I'm not happy about, but unfortunately due to the highly political nature of my stepfather, the people who don't know English bother me quite a bit. Perhaps it's the knowledge they aren't even making an effort. Whatever the reason, the distaste was there. The utter dislike for the lack of melting-pot mentality they had. They didn't blend, they diluted.

But today, of all days, we went to this store again to see how the inside looked post-renovation. It was like a blast to the past. Sure, the store felt more "homey" instead of that ugly white-tile floor, white ceiling tiles, white metal isles and end-cap look, but that's not what changed my mind about the area.

For once I saw a melting pot. I saw people of many nationalities, most of which were speaking English. There were people of Mexican descent who actually KNEW ENGLISH. It was refreshing, it was incredible. I once again had faith in the melting-pot mentality. Perhaps though, it's not because they're leaving, or changing their ways... Perhaps it's the Avanza supermarket a few streets away, and the Rancho Liboro opening up across the street, but for once the store felt like it did when I was a kid.

I remember back to when you'd walk into a store and see Russians, Germans, Chinese, Brits, Mexicans, Canadians, all together as one community in the same place. Perhaps I noticed it more when I was a kid, but where I grew up there was diversity. I'm not all that old either. I'm seventeen. In ten years, did the world change so much?

I felt the Real America, as it was intended, today.