Being ME

Unfortunately, in the recent past with my newfound friends at Best Buy, I’ve begun to find that it’s fairly hard to manage multiple groups of friends without having tension in the transition.

So last night I spent the night at my friend John’s house, at which was also my friend Spenser. It was awkward like none other. I don’t really understand why this was the case. I was sort of clammy, hiding, and just in general not having much fun, even though these people were the people I’d been attached to more than others.

It’s not really so much that I wasn’t comfortable anymore, it’s jut that I’d adjusted to the kind of people I was hanging out with at Best Buy, because they both have very different kinds of humor. As a group Best Buy people have a much more open and accepting atmosphere. With John and Spenser, I don’t really feel in control of what I feel or what I say, but that I’m holding back because I didn’t want to offend.

It doesn’t help that Spenser isn’t really accepting of who I am… or what I want. He’s threatened to stab me if I end up dating Fel. Oh well. Happens. I need to learn how to tend a knife wound anyway, survival tactics you know.

New Moon, New Me

Hey all, it's been a freaking fortnight since I last posted, and I think it's about time I finally take this damned thing seriously.

So I've started working at Geek Squad, and it's more than I ever dreamed it would be. The people I work with are great and very accepting of exactly who I am. It's rare for me to have a place I can go where everyone knows exactly who I am and still absolutely adores my particular brand of crazy. I'm definitely feeling very good about this job, what I do there, and how I do it.

I'm very good at selling things, I've found.

But anyway, that's not really what this post is about.

I saw New Moon last night. It followed the storyline of the book a lot better than the first one did, had lots of very attractive people doing things making them even more attractive (If I do say so myself), and was exactly what I had expected it to be. It did something I was hoping it would do too, it gave me a fresh look on life, and an increased drive to become better.

This, coupled with the recent re-insertion of my music back into my life, has led me to an incredibly phantastic mood. A mood so good, in fact, that I'm dancing and singing around my room again, something I haven't done in ages. It's a very welcome mood change I've been waiting for for a while.

I'm once again very confident in myself and who I am. I'm willing to spend money to improve my looks, I'm grooming myself a lot better than I have been, working on changing my look to better suit who I AM not who I wanted to be.

This acceptance of myself is going to lead to good things, I feel. There are a lot of cool things going on in my life, with a lot of cool people, and it's making for a very fulfilling life right now. It's exactly what I want.

-- Christian, a new me, with a new attitude.

And so a new chapter in the life of Jarannis begins...

Well, so after another two interviews, and an orientation Saturday, I'm now heading into Best Buy for my first day at work as an employee of Geek Squad.

I sense a lot of change and improvement happening today, and in the immediate future.

Wish me luck... if I didn't already have a ton of it to get this job to begin with.

The luck o' the irish

I suppose that's the right thing to title this post, as there isn't any OTHER kind of luck I may possibly have.

So last night at about midnight, I sent an application into a Best Buy using their online form. Pretty routine for me now, a soon to be unemployed socially active teenager. I wasn't expecting to hear from them at all, let alone as soon as they did.

Flash forward to 2 this afternoon, and I get a voicemail. Lo and behold, it's a rather nice gent named Matt from, Yes ladies and gentleman, you guessed it! Best Buy! More specifically, Best Buy's Geek Squad. He'd like me to call him about setting up an interview.

So, I call and they ask if I can come in for an interview... Earlier tonight...

Perplexed as I was, I'm not going to turn down the opportunity to get a job just because of short notice on the interview. So at 7PM, I sat down with Matt, and was almost immediately rushed through to my second interview.

I say almost immediately because he actually went walking around the store to find the assistant manager for the store, the person I was to have my second interview with, to see if he was available to do the interview NOW. Unfortunately he was busy dealing with a secondary matter of greater importance, so I shook Matt's hand and ended the interview with a "Thank you for your time, I hope to see you again in the future"

Destiny

This may very well be the first of many posts with this title, for I'm pretty sure I've found mine, if perhaps in a very ironic way.

Many years ago, eleven, if I recall correctly; I met a girl who'd become my best friend. Her and I were nearly inseparable during elementary school, the short time we were able to spend together during recess ended up keeping the both of us sane during our individual problems. For some reason, we never thought to see each other outside of school.

Flash forward a little bit to about fourth grade, when my own personal struggles came to a head. Things were bad, my family was having a rough few months. The custody battle raged on, and just as it finally decided to take a long break, my mother began having problems with her back. The drive out to take my sister to school wasn't helping much.

It got to a point where I was given a choice. Either continue to go to school, and risk mom's back more, or begin homeschooling and help around the house in hopes that her back would get better. I did the only thing I had the heart to do, leaving my friends behind and staying home with my mother.

I was heartbroken. On that last day, I couldn't find anyone to get their numbers. I ran around frantically trying to find the few friends I'd cared enough about to want to communicate with. I never did find them. What I learned later was that the one person I cared about the most WAS there, and was trying to find ME.

Fortunately, the story of her and I doesn't end there. Thanks to the internet, and mostly Myspace, we were reunited a few years ago. We hit it off, picking up nearly where we left off. Talking like nothing ever happened. But something had happened. It didn't feel the same. It felt like more.

I didn't just jump into it. I didn't want to risk our friendship based on some seemingly errant feeling. I sat there quietly, painfully watching as she went through a few bad relationships. Little did I know at the time that she too, was waiting, watching. She saw me go through Anna and Katie, and all the "there's this guy"-ing. She didn't do anything, just as I myself didn't do anything. Unknown to each of us, the other was feeling the same way.

Cue just last Thursday night. We were texting about something for some reason. (I'm going to paraphrase, I'm not entirely positive on the details anymore. The basic idea is still there though. She brought up how after the last party we were both at, everyone she knew, including her mother, asked multiple times why we never dated. Awkward. I texted back how it's strange everyone seems to think it's a good idea but us, and she responded with "Well, they have a few points."

... A few points? Had I just heard what I thought I heard? I read the text a few times before deciding what my next action was. "Well... I had always thought of trying it sometime..." "Really?"
"Yeah..."
"I don't want you to feel like you have to"
"I do, really"
"Are you sure?"
"Well... Why not? We only live once."
"Yeah, okay... but there's a snag."
"A snag?"
"Yeah... I sort of fenangled myself into a relationship with this girl online... "
"Oh, well don't break that off for me."
"No, I will... I'm not sure it's what I want. Long distance relationships are hard... But I do know that I've always wanted you."
"... Really?"
"Yeah."
"Wow... took you long enough."
"What?"

And so it begins. I broke it off with the girl online. I STILL feel bad about that. Really. Unfortunately what I'd done to get myself into that whole mess, I did because I had given up on anything happening here with any of the people I knew. I'd exhausted all of my options here, run through all the people I know and still hadn't found anyone who I'd WANT to be with...

It was another case of what I really wanted being right under my nose the whole time. Destiny is, quite possibly, my destiny. She's always been there, we've always been good friends, there's nothing either of us have ever done that's ever made the other angry.

So, we went out Saturday. As far as anyone knew, we were just friends. We started in the mall, walking around it twice before we decided we were bored. We went to my favorite Hawaiian Barbecue place for some grub, then headed to the pool hall for a while. We met up with one of her friends there by chance, got bored of the pool thing, so we headed to pie for some Village Inn... Wait, strike that, reverse it. There we go. (i'z sleepy XD)

After that... that's when things go to be the most interesting. We had lived through the "Her mother's crazy friend and a car and waaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaaaaayyyy too much caffeine..." experience, and we were just hanging around her neighborhood. It was dark, and a little cold. We walked around her little community a few times, finally stopping on a hill to just sit for a while. It was great. We laid down to watch the moon and clouds, something she hadn't done in a long time.

Unfortunately, the grade of the hill was such that she kept sliding down a little. I held my hand up such that she could grab on, and hopefully stop sliding. It didn't help much, however, so she rolled over and I threw my arm over. We laid there like that for a few minutes, our eyes fixed on each other's faces. I moved my had up to her cheek... and we kissed. That was my Saturday, one of the best days of my life so far. The only thing coming close was the day I found her again

Yesterday was better still. She made it over by bus. After some hot chocolate (because DAMN was it cold out there.) we spent the rest of the night just being together, complete with the sappy romantics. We didn't really DO anything. We just talked, laid, and kissed. I anticipate that it will happen many more times in the future.

Really, I'm almost positive she's the one... As much as I hate to admit it. After eleven years without a single even close to serious falling out, we'll be okay for a few more, at least.

She is, in my eyes, beautiful. Perhaps not beautiful by societies standards, but I don't need society to tell me what's beautiful.

I don't ever want to have to give her up.