Love You All

This one's just an open shout to all my friends, all my family, for being who they are, and a quick rundown of why each and every one of you is just so damned important to me:

Mom: You're my mother, Duh. But beyond that, you manage to look beyond anything else and dig up that sense that only a mother can have to keep me safe. You're always open to having long, drawn out, wandering conversations about anything and everything, always offering advice and guidance when I'm the most lost.

Vic: For sticking to your morals, and being the father figure I needed, when I needed one, and being a friend when I didn't. Though I don't always agree with your methods, you hold true to what you believe, and it's made you into a place where you CAN do something about how you feel about the world.

Autumn: For being strong and pushing through everything you've been through in life, and for being stupid, because it gives me someone that has worse problems than I do sometimes. Helping you keeps me sane, what can I say :p

Jerod: For having broken me out of my shell, taken me to places I'd never been, showing me how life should be: LIVED.

Matt: For being a constant source of entertainment, support, encouragement, and knocking me down to size when my ego gets a touch out of control, which it does constantly.

Andy: For keeping your cool, introducing me to new ways of thinking, always having your head on your shoulders and answering so many silly silly questions about absurd things.

Erik: For always having that comment that makes me go O_o

Angela: For having that drive to get shit DONE that's inspired me to do things every once in a while and not be such a lazy bum.

Aimee: For having shown that no matter how much you do, you can ALWAYS do more, and it's ALWAYS worth it.

Sidnaceous: For having practically been a third parent for me, despite having been on the other side of the country

Tarnagh: For being my e-aunty of awesomeness.

Teyla: For being my conscience so many times I can no longer count them. Always making me think about all the consequences of my actions, no matter what they are.

Richard: For being someone I can spar with, who's mind is on a similar level as mine. The debates will rage forever, because it's just that damn fun.

Annalisa: For having shown me the forgiveness I never deserved.

Ammarina: For having been there when I finally got comfortable being me, and being able to listen to me babble on about shit for HOURS instead of just bailing on me when I'd drop you off.

And the rest of you: For all the little things you do every day that just make life worth living. No matter how bad a mood I'm in, even five seconds in the presence of any of you makes me forget what was troubling me, if only for a while.

It's friends like these that make me possibly the most lucky man in the world, and having made me a man while doing it. I look forward to DECADES with all of you. Thank you. I love you. All of you. Yes, even you.

A minor anime list. Things I need to watch.

Evangelion.

Gurren Lagann

Kyo Kara Maoh

Blue Gender

Trinity Blood

Gungrave

Blood+

Mushi Shi

Green Green

Excel Saga

Code Geass

A magical feeling

Today’s been phantastic. For some reason the entire day has me in a state of zen. I’m very calm, very collected, and more than happy to just stare into space and think and reflect upon the world, and my world, for as long as I see fit. I’m happy again. Happy with my entire life, the things I’m doing, the people I know, and the places I am.

Tonight I spent a good three hours in a coffee shop, drinking coffee and just thinking. My friends were there, sure, but we were all off in our own little world. This little coffee shop changes the mood of the day greatly. It’s a wonderful atmosphere that’s genuinely good natured.

All types of people go there, but they’re almost always really good people, with great intentions and interesting backgrounds. It’s a meeting place for kindred spirits in a way.

Definitely a good place to feel at peace with one’s self, and they’re the kind of people that will appreciate your mood and build off of it in their own ways.

I don’t really know what about today makes it any better than any other day, except for the fact that this afternoon was mild. A little warm, very sunny. Warm enough I could drive with my window down and not get chills.

I think it may also have been the fact that I’m feeling very appreciated at work. I’m getting lots of positive feedback about my actions, honest feedback, and great customer response. It’s fulfilling knowing that I’m making a great deal of people happy on a daily basis.

I try to be a boulder in a lake, compared to the pebbles most people aim for, and I can definitely feel things coming back around to me today.

Let the happiness in. It won’t bite, it just tickles a little bit.

A daily thing? If this keeps up, WHY NOT!?

So, welcome to my semi-daily blog. Woohooness.

I accidentally the whole thing into a more regular happening.

The past few days have been pretty epic in my life. I’ve got a top hat in the mail that just arrived at my house (which I haven’t stayed at for a week or so now.)

I’m living with my friends Matt and David… sort of. On an air mattress on the floor, and I’m learning how to sing. Well.

The learning to sing thing is awesome. I tried learning from my mother, but her teaching style just doesn’t work for me. My friend Matt is in the Arvada Chorale, and he’s a great teacher. He’s helping me learn, and he’s doing an awesome job.

Already I’m more confident in my abilities, I’m feeling the differences voices make when they’re projected differently, and I’m loving every minute of it.

I need to get my top hat, but I’m low on cash and gas. WOO! BROKE!

This blog is outdated. Wow.

So, here’s the deal. Last this blog knew, I was with who I’d thought was my dream girl, Destiny. Now, unfortunately things didn’t end all too great. It ended in pain, pain for me and her. After much abuse, disagreement, and lack of trust, I no longer felt like I was loved, no matter how much she claimed I was… but I wasn’t able to love back anymore. I wasn’t able to put the past behind me. As much as I’d wished to put it behind me and be there for her I couldn’t do it anymore.

That was bad enough, but the next girlfriend I had ended in a bad way too. I ended up with another girl who was bipolar with manic tendencies, and as much as I tried because her symptoms were very different… I wasn’t able to accept that she might have been different. I was hooked on the fact that Destiny was violent, and that her symptoms kept getting worse the longer I was with her. It didn’t help that I was a shallow bastard with both and broke up with them over facebook. There are things in my life I’m not proud of, definitely, and those two are the primary things. Not that I’m not proud that I knew them, but that I’m not proud of how things went. I’d thought I was in love with both of them, only to let fear take over and end whatever happiness I had.

Since then, I’ve been single, playing with the idea of relationships with people I already know, people I’ve worked with. It’s not really worth it though. At least not in my department. It causes issues.

In the past few weeks I’ve had a bit of a turnaround in my thinking. I’ve been brave enough to walk up to new people that seem interesting and introduce myself, which is a strange prospect because of how I usually am. I’ve had many interesting conversations with completely random people because of my new outgoing nature. I think it had something to do with the prospect of entering a new decade with a new group of people that interest me greatly.

I’m a bit on the silly side with my newfound outgoingness, and I’m starting to come to terms with my goals for life. I no longer want to be in a relationship with someone right away. I’m happy being where I am, with the people I know, doing the things that I do.

More than that, I know for a fact that what I’m meant to do is make people happy. I’m happy with that. Improving someone’s mood just a little bit makes me incredibly happy. It’s a little lacking in the ambition area, and doesn’t require me to do any kind of learning. I’m good at it already. I’ll still learn, sure, but not to make anyone proud of me.

When I die, I want my funeral to be not people in awe of what I did, but thankful for who I was. Thankful to have known me. Happy that I died completely happy. Completeness for me is a well entertained crowd of happy people that I made happy, or a constant stream of people coming up upset, and leaving happy.

Kissing booth here I come :P

Not really, that’s a little conceited…

  Well, Blog, you’re at least a little more updated than you were before.

Sorry to have let you lapse for so long, it’s more important that you’re updated. Keeps my mind straight.