A minor anime list. Things I need to watch.

Evangelion.

Gurren Lagann

Kyo Kara Maoh

Blue Gender

Trinity Blood

Gungrave

Blood+

Mushi Shi

Green Green

Excel Saga

Code Geass

A magical feeling

Today’s been phantastic. For some reason the entire day has me in a state of zen. I’m very calm, very collected, and more than happy to just stare into space and think and reflect upon the world, and my world, for as long as I see fit. I’m happy again. Happy with my entire life, the things I’m doing, the people I know, and the places I am.

Tonight I spent a good three hours in a coffee shop, drinking coffee and just thinking. My friends were there, sure, but we were all off in our own little world. This little coffee shop changes the mood of the day greatly. It’s a wonderful atmosphere that’s genuinely good natured.

All types of people go there, but they’re almost always really good people, with great intentions and interesting backgrounds. It’s a meeting place for kindred spirits in a way.

Definitely a good place to feel at peace with one’s self, and they’re the kind of people that will appreciate your mood and build off of it in their own ways.

I don’t really know what about today makes it any better than any other day, except for the fact that this afternoon was mild. A little warm, very sunny. Warm enough I could drive with my window down and not get chills.

I think it may also have been the fact that I’m feeling very appreciated at work. I’m getting lots of positive feedback about my actions, honest feedback, and great customer response. It’s fulfilling knowing that I’m making a great deal of people happy on a daily basis.

I try to be a boulder in a lake, compared to the pebbles most people aim for, and I can definitely feel things coming back around to me today.

Let the happiness in. It won’t bite, it just tickles a little bit.

A daily thing? If this keeps up, WHY NOT!?

So, welcome to my semi-daily blog. Woohooness.

I accidentally the whole thing into a more regular happening.

The past few days have been pretty epic in my life. I’ve got a top hat in the mail that just arrived at my house (which I haven’t stayed at for a week or so now.)

I’m living with my friends Matt and David… sort of. On an air mattress on the floor, and I’m learning how to sing. Well.

The learning to sing thing is awesome. I tried learning from my mother, but her teaching style just doesn’t work for me. My friend Matt is in the Arvada Chorale, and he’s a great teacher. He’s helping me learn, and he’s doing an awesome job.

Already I’m more confident in my abilities, I’m feeling the differences voices make when they’re projected differently, and I’m loving every minute of it.

I need to get my top hat, but I’m low on cash and gas. WOO! BROKE!

This blog is outdated. Wow.

So, here’s the deal. Last this blog knew, I was with who I’d thought was my dream girl, Destiny. Now, unfortunately things didn’t end all too great. It ended in pain, pain for me and her. After much abuse, disagreement, and lack of trust, I no longer felt like I was loved, no matter how much she claimed I was… but I wasn’t able to love back anymore. I wasn’t able to put the past behind me. As much as I’d wished to put it behind me and be there for her I couldn’t do it anymore.

That was bad enough, but the next girlfriend I had ended in a bad way too. I ended up with another girl who was bipolar with manic tendencies, and as much as I tried because her symptoms were very different… I wasn’t able to accept that she might have been different. I was hooked on the fact that Destiny was violent, and that her symptoms kept getting worse the longer I was with her. It didn’t help that I was a shallow bastard with both and broke up with them over facebook. There are things in my life I’m not proud of, definitely, and those two are the primary things. Not that I’m not proud that I knew them, but that I’m not proud of how things went. I’d thought I was in love with both of them, only to let fear take over and end whatever happiness I had.

Since then, I’ve been single, playing with the idea of relationships with people I already know, people I’ve worked with. It’s not really worth it though. At least not in my department. It causes issues.

In the past few weeks I’ve had a bit of a turnaround in my thinking. I’ve been brave enough to walk up to new people that seem interesting and introduce myself, which is a strange prospect because of how I usually am. I’ve had many interesting conversations with completely random people because of my new outgoing nature. I think it had something to do with the prospect of entering a new decade with a new group of people that interest me greatly.

I’m a bit on the silly side with my newfound outgoingness, and I’m starting to come to terms with my goals for life. I no longer want to be in a relationship with someone right away. I’m happy being where I am, with the people I know, doing the things that I do.

More than that, I know for a fact that what I’m meant to do is make people happy. I’m happy with that. Improving someone’s mood just a little bit makes me incredibly happy. It’s a little lacking in the ambition area, and doesn’t require me to do any kind of learning. I’m good at it already. I’ll still learn, sure, but not to make anyone proud of me.

When I die, I want my funeral to be not people in awe of what I did, but thankful for who I was. Thankful to have known me. Happy that I died completely happy. Completeness for me is a well entertained crowd of happy people that I made happy, or a constant stream of people coming up upset, and leaving happy.

Kissing booth here I come :P

Not really, that’s a little conceited…

  Well, Blog, you’re at least a little more updated than you were before.

Sorry to have let you lapse for so long, it’s more important that you’re updated. Keeps my mind straight.

Being ME

Unfortunately, in the recent past with my newfound friends at Best Buy, I’ve begun to find that it’s fairly hard to manage multiple groups of friends without having tension in the transition.

So last night I spent the night at my friend John’s house, at which was also my friend Spenser. It was awkward like none other. I don’t really understand why this was the case. I was sort of clammy, hiding, and just in general not having much fun, even though these people were the people I’d been attached to more than others.

It’s not really so much that I wasn’t comfortable anymore, it’s jut that I’d adjusted to the kind of people I was hanging out with at Best Buy, because they both have very different kinds of humor. As a group Best Buy people have a much more open and accepting atmosphere. With John and Spenser, I don’t really feel in control of what I feel or what I say, but that I’m holding back because I didn’t want to offend.

It doesn’t help that Spenser isn’t really accepting of who I am… or what I want. He’s threatened to stab me if I end up dating Fel. Oh well. Happens. I need to learn how to tend a knife wound anyway, survival tactics you know.

New Moon, New Me

Hey all, it's been a freaking fortnight since I last posted, and I think it's about time I finally take this damned thing seriously.

So I've started working at Geek Squad, and it's more than I ever dreamed it would be. The people I work with are great and very accepting of exactly who I am. It's rare for me to have a place I can go where everyone knows exactly who I am and still absolutely adores my particular brand of crazy. I'm definitely feeling very good about this job, what I do there, and how I do it.

I'm very good at selling things, I've found.

But anyway, that's not really what this post is about.

I saw New Moon last night. It followed the storyline of the book a lot better than the first one did, had lots of very attractive people doing things making them even more attractive (If I do say so myself), and was exactly what I had expected it to be. It did something I was hoping it would do too, it gave me a fresh look on life, and an increased drive to become better.

This, coupled with the recent re-insertion of my music back into my life, has led me to an incredibly phantastic mood. A mood so good, in fact, that I'm dancing and singing around my room again, something I haven't done in ages. It's a very welcome mood change I've been waiting for for a while.

I'm once again very confident in myself and who I am. I'm willing to spend money to improve my looks, I'm grooming myself a lot better than I have been, working on changing my look to better suit who I AM not who I wanted to be.

This acceptance of myself is going to lead to good things, I feel. There are a lot of cool things going on in my life, with a lot of cool people, and it's making for a very fulfilling life right now. It's exactly what I want.

-- Christian, a new me, with a new attitude.

And so a new chapter in the life of Jarannis begins...

Well, so after another two interviews, and an orientation Saturday, I'm now heading into Best Buy for my first day at work as an employee of Geek Squad.

I sense a lot of change and improvement happening today, and in the immediate future.

Wish me luck... if I didn't already have a ton of it to get this job to begin with.