OKAY, I'm no longer a sideline skeptic. Cell phone companies blow chunks.
So my cell phone company, who's name brings me agony indescribable, has made me angry once again. I'm pissed off. The one plan I REALLY need, an add-on to let me connect to the internet FROM MY PHONE, isn't available on the plan I'm currently using. A plan that has unlimited data.
Now, if I'm paying for the service, WHO GIVES A FUCK what plan I'm on? WHY DOES IT MATTER? I'll tell you why. Because they can make more money by getting me to switch plans. In the corporate scheme of things, does ten dollars a month REALLY make that big a difference?
NOT ONLY have we been with this company for TEN YEARS, we've never been late paying a bill, we've always been good customers and upgraded our phones often, we've never called customer support, tried to get money for dropped calls, we've referred people, all that jazz. So why, when I say I want to have a plan that lets me connect my PHONE to my LAPTOP and get INTERNET, they say no?
Is selfish greed more important to them than their customer base? Is losing all those customers they did REALLY not making that big an impact? This company needs to realize that they have to appeal to the customer, stop dragging their longest customers through the mud, and start offering things we WANT.
They may have lost me.
Sprint, as a loyal customer who's been using your service happily for ten years, I'm sorry to say that we WILL NOT be agreeing to another two year contract. You can expect three less phone's worth of income when our current contract runs out.
I hope in the future you steer yourself in a direction that values the customer more than the money you are going to lose without those very people.
While I'm at it, text messaging rates. They're absurd. It does not cost $.45c to send a text message to Australia, thankyouverymuch. I might not know much about cellular phones, but I do know that I can send the same text message on the internet, using the same data cables, for much, much less. So much less so that it doesn't even increase my monthly internet bill.
And now, I'm off to find a provider that won't screw me over, if they even exist.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Time... Flies...
Okay, so updating this thing is a little harder to keep up with than I'd like it to be. A lot has happened, a lot of it I don't remember.
So instead of trying to get it all down, trashing my brain trying to find the little bits of information I want to put here, I'll just type up what comes to mind. This will lead to what is most likely a hard to follow series of thoughts that won't make any sense to anyone.
Friday night I kissed the girl who I've deemed my current "problem girl". Nobody I know is happy that I did that. Nobody likes her. She is pretty attractive, and has an okay personality, but for some reason, everyone thinks I need to wash my mouth out with battery acid because of it. Okay, so I was a little drunk, I still made the conscious decision before. I'm not really all that happy about it myself, because the kiss felt a little... empty. Although she was into it, and I wasn't really very drunk, I didn't feel anything. It's a strange sort of disconnect, actually. You'd think there would be at least a little bit of feeling there, but no. There was nothing.
*sigh*
Well, I suppose it's not too bad. I mean, it's only the first kiss I can remember in 5 or more years. I guess it's better than nothing. Though, now that I have, it makes me feel a little more sure that I need to find the right person before committing to anything. In my desperation, I'd thought anyone would do, but not so. For that, I am glad, because it makes me even more sure that I'll find the RIGHT person, and not just settle.
So the rest of the night was a little strange. I had already stopped thinking about the kiss, so I had a lot of fun. Talked with a bunch of people I hadn't seen in about six months. Absolutely everyone was there. Everyone was happy to see me.
After a while, I ended up talking to this girl named Kendra, and ended up talking about being nervous, feeling out of place, and it was a nice long two-sided conversation. It was fun.
Then I got drafted into a beer pong team. Kicked ass with a guy who's left arm was nub just a few inches from the elbow. beat the reigning champs.
That was my friday night, Hung out with some people that I hadn't seen, had a few beers, kicked ass at beer pong, and kissed a girl for the first time in years. I'd say the night was a success.
The next day, however, wasn't as great. Started the day off at 12:30, played a little Army of Two on my cousin's PS3. A few hours later, got drafted into a game of Denver in a Box, which is essentially a ripoff of monopoly. Turned out Problem Girl had spent the night. Awkward.
I was the first out, followed by one of my cousins, then my aunt, then it was down to Problem girl and Asshole. Well, Asshole won, and was an asshole about it. No surprises there.
Watched a few horror movies. Everyone was there. Afterwords Asshole, Cousin, and Aunt took off, leaving me and problem girl alone. I apologized for my actions. She changed the topic. Awkward again. She needed a ride home. I can't drive, so I offered to walk with her. Three miles in the cold, not happening. She ended up finding a ride, and left without saying goodbye. I was sitting alone in the dark for about ten minutes. Nobody said goodbye, nobody said anything about taking me with them. So, Cooler Cousin gets home from the Avs game, and promptly went to bed. Alone in the dark... again. At least he said goodnight.
So I got online and chatted with people. So boooooooored.
Ended up going to sleep at 3 AM. woke up this morning at 11:30. Had a good breakfast. Izgud.
Let's see... Last Monday I went to go see Sex Drive with a girl I met in the DO IRC. We met at Noodles and Company downtown, then went to the theater afterwords. Was a great movie, I recommend it. Took the light-rail down to the park 'n' ride, where her car was parked. She drove me home, met my mother, hung out for a while, then left. Was a good time overall. The whole time it was awkward. She's exactly like me, so the blame rests on both of us for the awkwardness. It was a fun awkward though, and we laughed because we pretty much knew what each other were thinking in our awkwardly directed window-stares. I almost didn't go home when my mother told me I was breaking the plan. I didn't because I'm too obedient. But yeah, Mom likes her, wants me to do more with her, but I think she's going to end up as just a friend.
Uhm... So yeah, I guess that's what's happening in my life at the moment. I don't know if it's interesting or not, but there it is.
So instead of trying to get it all down, trashing my brain trying to find the little bits of information I want to put here, I'll just type up what comes to mind. This will lead to what is most likely a hard to follow series of thoughts that won't make any sense to anyone.
Friday night I kissed the girl who I've deemed my current "problem girl". Nobody I know is happy that I did that. Nobody likes her. She is pretty attractive, and has an okay personality, but for some reason, everyone thinks I need to wash my mouth out with battery acid because of it. Okay, so I was a little drunk, I still made the conscious decision before. I'm not really all that happy about it myself, because the kiss felt a little... empty. Although she was into it, and I wasn't really very drunk, I didn't feel anything. It's a strange sort of disconnect, actually. You'd think there would be at least a little bit of feeling there, but no. There was nothing.
*sigh*
Well, I suppose it's not too bad. I mean, it's only the first kiss I can remember in 5 or more years. I guess it's better than nothing. Though, now that I have, it makes me feel a little more sure that I need to find the right person before committing to anything. In my desperation, I'd thought anyone would do, but not so. For that, I am glad, because it makes me even more sure that I'll find the RIGHT person, and not just settle.
So the rest of the night was a little strange. I had already stopped thinking about the kiss, so I had a lot of fun. Talked with a bunch of people I hadn't seen in about six months. Absolutely everyone was there. Everyone was happy to see me.
After a while, I ended up talking to this girl named Kendra, and ended up talking about being nervous, feeling out of place, and it was a nice long two-sided conversation. It was fun.
Then I got drafted into a beer pong team. Kicked ass with a guy who's left arm was nub just a few inches from the elbow. beat the reigning champs.
That was my friday night, Hung out with some people that I hadn't seen, had a few beers, kicked ass at beer pong, and kissed a girl for the first time in years. I'd say the night was a success.
The next day, however, wasn't as great. Started the day off at 12:30, played a little Army of Two on my cousin's PS3. A few hours later, got drafted into a game of Denver in a Box, which is essentially a ripoff of monopoly. Turned out Problem Girl had spent the night. Awkward.
I was the first out, followed by one of my cousins, then my aunt, then it was down to Problem girl and Asshole. Well, Asshole won, and was an asshole about it. No surprises there.
Watched a few horror movies. Everyone was there. Afterwords Asshole, Cousin, and Aunt took off, leaving me and problem girl alone. I apologized for my actions. She changed the topic. Awkward again. She needed a ride home. I can't drive, so I offered to walk with her. Three miles in the cold, not happening. She ended up finding a ride, and left without saying goodbye. I was sitting alone in the dark for about ten minutes. Nobody said goodbye, nobody said anything about taking me with them. So, Cooler Cousin gets home from the Avs game, and promptly went to bed. Alone in the dark... again. At least he said goodnight.
So I got online and chatted with people. So boooooooored.
Ended up going to sleep at 3 AM. woke up this morning at 11:30. Had a good breakfast. Izgud.
Let's see... Last Monday I went to go see Sex Drive with a girl I met in the DO IRC. We met at Noodles and Company downtown, then went to the theater afterwords. Was a great movie, I recommend it. Took the light-rail down to the park 'n' ride, where her car was parked. She drove me home, met my mother, hung out for a while, then left. Was a good time overall. The whole time it was awkward. She's exactly like me, so the blame rests on both of us for the awkwardness. It was a fun awkward though, and we laughed because we pretty much knew what each other were thinking in our awkwardly directed window-stares. I almost didn't go home when my mother told me I was breaking the plan. I didn't because I'm too obedient. But yeah, Mom likes her, wants me to do more with her, but I think she's going to end up as just a friend.
Uhm... So yeah, I guess that's what's happening in my life at the moment. I don't know if it's interesting or not, but there it is.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The Killers - Human
I'd like to say right now, BRAVO.
This is the first time I have ever been interested in an entire album by ANY band, let alone before I hear the whole thing. All I have from The Killers' new album is the recently released Human from their upcoming album Day & Age.
...Yeah, okay, that sounds like a plug, but it's not supposed to be. This is me on my feet shouting to the heavens that this song is freaking amazing. It's a disconnect from most of the Killers songs I've heard in the past. Mr. Brightside had an older feel to it, and All These Things That I've Done had a nice ambiance effect to it, but Human has an epic all-surrounding feeling.
It's got a strong beat, a powerful synth "oohh" behind the beginning, a strings ensemble behind the majority of the song, mixed in with a buzzy electro-synth.
If the rest of the album is half as awesome as this, I'm buying four. One digital from amazon, one for my car, one for my mother's car, and one to keep in a drawer in case either of the other two gets scratched. Yeah, you heard that right. I won't just copy the disc, I'll buy more than one.
Just. That. Awesome.
In fact, it's awesome enough to pass me by my most recent month and a half writer's block. It's inspiring enough to get my working on my projects again... and blogging. Need to do more of that.
This is the first time I have ever been interested in an entire album by ANY band, let alone before I hear the whole thing. All I have from The Killers' new album is the recently released Human from their upcoming album Day & Age.
...Yeah, okay, that sounds like a plug, but it's not supposed to be. This is me on my feet shouting to the heavens that this song is freaking amazing. It's a disconnect from most of the Killers songs I've heard in the past. Mr. Brightside had an older feel to it, and All These Things That I've Done had a nice ambiance effect to it, but Human has an epic all-surrounding feeling.
It's got a strong beat, a powerful synth "oohh" behind the beginning, a strings ensemble behind the majority of the song, mixed in with a buzzy electro-synth.
If the rest of the album is half as awesome as this, I'm buying four. One digital from amazon, one for my car, one for my mother's car, and one to keep in a drawer in case either of the other two gets scratched. Yeah, you heard that right. I won't just copy the disc, I'll buy more than one.
Just. That. Awesome.
In fact, it's awesome enough to pass me by my most recent month and a half writer's block. It's inspiring enough to get my working on my projects again... and blogging. Need to do more of that.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
The Good Guys
In literature there are often two kinds of "good guy". There's the singular, and the plural.
The singular good guy usually solves a problem with an internal debate, or gut reaction. He takes things as they come, either going through all the options in his head, or taking a leap of faith. These are fairly common, as far as characters go. They're usually in it for themselves or someone they love, and rarely do they think to the true scale of the situation.
The plural good guys are usually shown as either a group of acquaintances, or a band of adventurers pulled together by a force or common interest. Within the group, we see the same kind of debate as our singular good guy, but open to other ideas. Now the unfortunate thing is that when you're writing with a group of good guys, you tend to run into disagreements. These disagreements stem from the mind of the character you've created and can be quite a roadblock. Time and time again, author's have gone the now tried and true method of pushing the stick in the mud to grudgingly going along with it because he/she "Can't think of anything better.
I myself ran into this author's conundrum when dealing with the novel I started. It presented itself as a large roadblock, and put me off writing for months. Even today I'm not nearly as enthusiastic about the whole thing.
Now that I've moved onto a different project that I need to write for, I've started to think on some ways to avoid roadblocks like these. If you change the dynamic of a group from a forum of ideas to a singular decider, instead of a democracy you get a dictatorship. Unfortunately for me, dictatorships in this form are incredibly fake and unlikely.
So what does a person do in that situation? You make someone a bold idiot and go with whatever they'd do.
If you've noticed the Google Ads, I've placed them there as a test before I put them live on my newest project's website, as I'm going to need whatever income I can get. They should be gone soon.
The singular good guy usually solves a problem with an internal debate, or gut reaction. He takes things as they come, either going through all the options in his head, or taking a leap of faith. These are fairly common, as far as characters go. They're usually in it for themselves or someone they love, and rarely do they think to the true scale of the situation.
The plural good guys are usually shown as either a group of acquaintances, or a band of adventurers pulled together by a force or common interest. Within the group, we see the same kind of debate as our singular good guy, but open to other ideas. Now the unfortunate thing is that when you're writing with a group of good guys, you tend to run into disagreements. These disagreements stem from the mind of the character you've created and can be quite a roadblock. Time and time again, author's have gone the now tried and true method of pushing the stick in the mud to grudgingly going along with it because he/she "Can't think of anything better.
I myself ran into this author's conundrum when dealing with the novel I started. It presented itself as a large roadblock, and put me off writing for months. Even today I'm not nearly as enthusiastic about the whole thing.
Now that I've moved onto a different project that I need to write for, I've started to think on some ways to avoid roadblocks like these. If you change the dynamic of a group from a forum of ideas to a singular decider, instead of a democracy you get a dictatorship. Unfortunately for me, dictatorships in this form are incredibly fake and unlikely.
So what does a person do in that situation? You make someone a bold idiot and go with whatever they'd do.
If you've noticed the Google Ads, I've placed them there as a test before I put them live on my newest project's website, as I'm going to need whatever income I can get. They should be gone soon.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Then, the loot post
My step-dad and I made an AWESOME haul today.
We set off this afternoon to the house of a guy selling four 250 gig hard-drives for $30 each. Just a few days ago, the hard-drive in our server decided to start making grinding noises.
Uh... yeah. When we got there, the guy talked with us a while about where he got the drives, some of the other stuff he was selling, and also stuff he wanted to get rid of. He mentioned
laptops. I asked if he had any memory specifically, as I'm looking to see if I can upgrade the Eee's memory. What he gave us surprised me.
We left his house with five laptops, a docking station for one, floppy drive for another, and dvd drive for yet another.
They are:
2x Averatec 6100 (Intel Pentium 4 3.0 ghz, 512mb ram, 60 gig HD, ATI Radeon 8600) missing one battery and both power supplies
1x Gateway 450SX4 (Unknown Intel Pentium 4, unknown ram, 20 gig HD, unknown video, two power supplies, doesn't turn on, docking station fits this one)
1x Compaq Presario R3000 (Unknown AMD Athlon XP-M, 256 MB ram, 60 gig HD, no power adapter, turns on but shuts off soon after using other power supply. Suspected on-board RAM issue)
1x Compaq Presario 3000 (AMD Athlon XP-M 2.8ghz, Unknown video, currently contains HD from R3000, ram from one of the Averatec machines, boots using power supply higher than rated, cuts off supply and dies shortly thereafter. Suspected working laptop in need of power adapter)
So that's the haul. We think the Averatec both work fine, but we have no power to test. Going out tomorrow to look. Not a bad deal for $30. At the very least we have five licenses for Windows XP, four home, one pro, that can be transfered to other computers. What WAS this guy thinking?
We set off this afternoon to the house of a guy selling four 250 gig hard-drives for $30 each. Just a few days ago, the hard-drive in our server decided to start making grinding noises.
Uh... yeah. When we got there, the guy talked with us a while about where he got the drives, some of the other stuff he was selling, and also stuff he wanted to get rid of. He mentioned
laptops. I asked if he had any memory specifically, as I'm looking to see if I can upgrade the Eee's memory. What he gave us surprised me.
We left his house with five laptops, a docking station for one, floppy drive for another, and dvd drive for yet another.
They are:
2x Averatec 6100 (Intel Pentium 4 3.0 ghz, 512mb ram, 60 gig HD, ATI Radeon 8600) missing one battery and both power supplies
1x Gateway 450SX4 (Unknown Intel Pentium 4, unknown ram, 20 gig HD, unknown video, two power supplies, doesn't turn on, docking station fits this one)
1x Compaq Presario R3000 (Unknown AMD Athlon XP-M, 256 MB ram, 60 gig HD, no power adapter, turns on but shuts off soon after using other power supply. Suspected on-board RAM issue)
1x Compaq Presario 3000 (AMD Athlon XP-M 2.8ghz, Unknown video, currently contains HD from R3000, ram from one of the Averatec machines, boots using power supply higher than rated, cuts off supply and dies shortly thereafter. Suspected working laptop in need of power adapter)
So that's the haul. We think the Averatec both work fine, but we have no power to test. Going out tomorrow to look. Not a bad deal for $30. At the very least we have five licenses for Windows XP, four home, one pro, that can be transfered to other computers. What WAS this guy thinking?
Saturday, August 23, 2008
First, the serious post
So my mother almost died.
She was taken to the hospital a few Thursdays ago for severe back pain, and several hours later was found to have blood clots in her legs. They airlifted her to another hospital. I was scared.
It all seemed surreal. I was at home, watching my brother Joe while my step-dad and grandfather were at the hospital with Mom. They rushed her into surgery, and I didn't know. They put tubes and shunts in her legs, and I didn't know. They put a filter near her heart, and I didn't know.
I felt so out of the loop. All these things were being done to my mother and nobody was telling me anything. They'd mention that "the procedure" was going well, that "she's doing okay, but she's still not out of the woods."
But that's how it went. For a week I watched my brother. For a week, I didn't see hide nor hair of my step-dad. For that week, I didn't see my mother. I didn't want to be afraid. I wanted her to be okay. My sister had to be told, and it was MY job to tell her.
That week was the hardest. I learned a lot. I'm not ready to be a godparent to my siblings. Not yet.
I broke off a date for Mom's sake, though that one was a good decision anyway. The girl ended up not enjoying "clean" relationships (whatever that meant, I wanted nothing to do with it).
The last day she was in the ICU, I went to my sister's aunt's Hometown Days party. Had a lot of fun, sang some karaoke (there's video somewhere of me screaming the chorus of You Shook Me All Night Long somewhere out there in the world)
I came back home, and the next Thursday she was kicked out of the hospital. They had her on a few blood thinners and pain killers. The pain meds for her legs that atrophied during her hospital visit.
She lost nearly all the baby weight though, which made her happy, but she's still in bed without much moving-ability. The whole timeline is a little shaky, I don't remember much clearly.
Things are almost back to normal now, which is good. She's going to be okay. Apparently the baby had blocked blood flow to her legs which caused the blood there to clot, and when the blood was let back through, it got backed up by the massive clots. Chances are if one of those clots were to break, she'd be dead. They got them all out though, and the tubes.
She was taken to the hospital a few Thursdays ago for severe back pain, and several hours later was found to have blood clots in her legs. They airlifted her to another hospital. I was scared.
It all seemed surreal. I was at home, watching my brother Joe while my step-dad and grandfather were at the hospital with Mom. They rushed her into surgery, and I didn't know. They put tubes and shunts in her legs, and I didn't know. They put a filter near her heart, and I didn't know.
I felt so out of the loop. All these things were being done to my mother and nobody was telling me anything. They'd mention that "the procedure" was going well, that "she's doing okay, but she's still not out of the woods."
But that's how it went. For a week I watched my brother. For a week, I didn't see hide nor hair of my step-dad. For that week, I didn't see my mother. I didn't want to be afraid. I wanted her to be okay. My sister had to be told, and it was MY job to tell her.
That week was the hardest. I learned a lot. I'm not ready to be a godparent to my siblings. Not yet.
I broke off a date for Mom's sake, though that one was a good decision anyway. The girl ended up not enjoying "clean" relationships (whatever that meant, I wanted nothing to do with it).
The last day she was in the ICU, I went to my sister's aunt's Hometown Days party. Had a lot of fun, sang some karaoke (there's video somewhere of me screaming the chorus of You Shook Me All Night Long somewhere out there in the world)
I came back home, and the next Thursday she was kicked out of the hospital. They had her on a few blood thinners and pain killers. The pain meds for her legs that atrophied during her hospital visit.
She lost nearly all the baby weight though, which made her happy, but she's still in bed without much moving-ability. The whole timeline is a little shaky, I don't remember much clearly.
Things are almost back to normal now, which is good. She's going to be okay. Apparently the baby had blocked blood flow to her legs which caused the blood there to clot, and when the blood was let back through, it got backed up by the massive clots. Chances are if one of those clots were to break, she'd be dead. They got them all out though, and the tubes.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Looking too hard for that happy ending
Everyone is looking for it. Every day, every action we take is a step. Whether it's a step in the right direction or not is debatable.
I always though I was stepping the wrong way. Sabotaging myself every step. Always screwing something up. I thought I was taking myself down a long road of loneliness and destruction. Well I got tired of the depression, of the constant nagging that I had already ruined my chances.
I'd felt that way since I started homeschooling, and it was about time to stop that shit.
So I threw a [/emo] into my code. I started taking steps to make myself less of a social pushover. I talked to people. Talking to people was the hardest step. I clam up around anyone I haven't been around for a while. It's my biggest downfall and I'm well aware of it. That awareness helped a lot.
Talking to people led to things like being invited to parties. Parties led to meeting new people. Meeting new people led to hanging out more. Hanging out more meant meeting MORE new people.
I think I might almost be done with my little shy phase I had going on there. I'm getting back to the social creature I was back in elementary school. It's strange to think that I had this life then, and completely lost my nerve after homeschooling.
So today I have the drive, I've taken the steps. I'm moving back to being as social as everyone else, and while being unique is nice, I can retain my uniqueness while being social. What I've done is a step toward the happy ending I so desperately strive for, but it has me thinking.
Everything changes so much, so often. People's opinions of you change. Your every action changes what people think of you. You take one rash action, a complete disconnect from the normal you, and depending on what you've done, it completely changes what the people around you think. People judge.
Is that happy ending really so hard to achieve? It seems to me if you can keep your head, not react so much to the things around you, think before you act, you don't have as many problems, you can do what you really think is right rather than what your instincts say to do.
I've patched this family up through fights by being the one to step back and think about it, while everyone else yells the first thing that comes to mind, do I yell? No. I think. I reason. I try to see all sides of the story. How it changes things for everyone. How the largest number of people can be happy with the outcome. It's not about who's wrong, because having the fight in the first place proves that it's gone too far. It's not about who's right, because if they were so, there wouldn't be a fight. Truth is, nobody is right or wrong. Everyone states opinion, and disagreements enlarge themselves into fights, and fights get large enough to excommunicate family members (in this family, at least). Is it right to excommunicate a family member?
Depends on your viewpoint.
The problem is that in this family we have two dominant personalities, that of my always-thinks-she's-right sister, and the always-has-to-argue-his-opinion stepdad. Their opinions do not jive. It always degenerates into a big fight that everyone is tired of hearing. How was it solved this last time? My step-dad banned my sister from the house. Even though it's a little extreme, it solves the problem in the easiest way possible. They can't get along when they're in the same room. He's not going to NOT come home. She can't just stay hidden the whole time. SO, if she stays at a nearby relative's house instead of here, there is no problem.
Note also that they both are happy with that agreement. Nobody feels put out except for Mom, who thinks my step-dad should just button his yap. I'd say it's my sister who should shut up. Even if she doesn't agree, it's disrespectful to him, the person paying for her trips here, for her to be yelling at him over some petty disagreement.
Kids these days have no respect.
To date, however, I've never had any kind of major disagreement because I THINK about what I'm about to say. I stop myself if it causes an unneccisary and destructive argument. On top of it all, I'm ALWAYS willing to admit to being wrong.
I always though I was stepping the wrong way. Sabotaging myself every step. Always screwing something up. I thought I was taking myself down a long road of loneliness and destruction. Well I got tired of the depression, of the constant nagging that I had already ruined my chances.
I'd felt that way since I started homeschooling, and it was about time to stop that shit.
So I threw a [/emo] into my code. I started taking steps to make myself less of a social pushover. I talked to people. Talking to people was the hardest step. I clam up around anyone I haven't been around for a while. It's my biggest downfall and I'm well aware of it. That awareness helped a lot.
Talking to people led to things like being invited to parties. Parties led to meeting new people. Meeting new people led to hanging out more. Hanging out more meant meeting MORE new people.
I think I might almost be done with my little shy phase I had going on there. I'm getting back to the social creature I was back in elementary school. It's strange to think that I had this life then, and completely lost my nerve after homeschooling.
So today I have the drive, I've taken the steps. I'm moving back to being as social as everyone else, and while being unique is nice, I can retain my uniqueness while being social. What I've done is a step toward the happy ending I so desperately strive for, but it has me thinking.
Everything changes so much, so often. People's opinions of you change. Your every action changes what people think of you. You take one rash action, a complete disconnect from the normal you, and depending on what you've done, it completely changes what the people around you think. People judge.
Is that happy ending really so hard to achieve? It seems to me if you can keep your head, not react so much to the things around you, think before you act, you don't have as many problems, you can do what you really think is right rather than what your instincts say to do.
I've patched this family up through fights by being the one to step back and think about it, while everyone else yells the first thing that comes to mind, do I yell? No. I think. I reason. I try to see all sides of the story. How it changes things for everyone. How the largest number of people can be happy with the outcome. It's not about who's wrong, because having the fight in the first place proves that it's gone too far. It's not about who's right, because if they were so, there wouldn't be a fight. Truth is, nobody is right or wrong. Everyone states opinion, and disagreements enlarge themselves into fights, and fights get large enough to excommunicate family members (in this family, at least). Is it right to excommunicate a family member?
Depends on your viewpoint.
The problem is that in this family we have two dominant personalities, that of my always-thinks-she's-right sister, and the always-has-to-argue-his-opinion stepdad. Their opinions do not jive. It always degenerates into a big fight that everyone is tired of hearing. How was it solved this last time? My step-dad banned my sister from the house. Even though it's a little extreme, it solves the problem in the easiest way possible. They can't get along when they're in the same room. He's not going to NOT come home. She can't just stay hidden the whole time. SO, if she stays at a nearby relative's house instead of here, there is no problem.
Note also that they both are happy with that agreement. Nobody feels put out except for Mom, who thinks my step-dad should just button his yap. I'd say it's my sister who should shut up. Even if she doesn't agree, it's disrespectful to him, the person paying for her trips here, for her to be yelling at him over some petty disagreement.
Kids these days have no respect.
To date, however, I've never had any kind of major disagreement because I THINK about what I'm about to say. I stop myself if it causes an unneccisary and destructive argument. On top of it all, I'm ALWAYS willing to admit to being wrong.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
My long vacation
Heyhey, it's been a few days since my last post. Most reasons being that I don't have anything interesting to report, and also because I went on vacation for three days and nights.
Thursday night Mom had the baby (finally). Big Baby Rhiannon was born 9 pounds 11 ounces. Everyone was rushing around like those little ball-chasing ferret toys.
It was a nice vacation. Took off from work at 3 on Friday, stopped by home, packed up the little I needed, like an air mattress, two shirts, and swim trunks, and said my adieu to my grandfather, who was watching my brother while my mom was in the hospital with the baby. From there we went over to Hanzy's house to get his tent, as he wouldn't be making it up until 11 or later. From there it was a long drive to Glendo, Wyoming. We only stopped twice, once to get food from Wendy's and once because I had to use the bathroom (I can remember these things for some reason).
In the truck we had Tina, Mike and Alese, my aunt, her husband, and my cousin respectively. Hanzy and Sherry, accompanied by their little brat of a grand-nephew, would be coming up later. LONG drive later (two and a half hours) we arrive at the Reservoir. This place is AMAZING, you pitch your tent in sand right off the beach, sheltered by trees. The lake is gigantic. The beach is long and windy, with families having fun everywhere. Lots of hot babes in swimsuits... erm... yeah.
The first afternoon/evening is spent pitching tents and unloading. We had the misfortune of being there the same weekend as a ski group of around thirty people who very openly aspire to be pirates. While we were setting up they had a lively party, and stole our hammer. Those right bastards walked right up, grabbed the hammer from inside our truck, and vamoosed with it. I was very pissed off. Anyway, we get set up and take off to the beach to get some photos of the sunset, which is incredibly beautiful from there.
After that we hung out and waited for Hanzy, keeping the fire going and the food hot. They arrive around 11 ish, unpack a bunch of stuff, and we sit around the fire with marshmallows on sticks in hand. Now, Hanzy and Mike are both South-African, born and raised, so naturally, they speak a lot of Afrikaans to each other. It's a very confusing language.
That night I tried my damnedest to get some sleep, but the pirates were noisy. I'd be on the virge of falling into unconsciousness when some drunkard would shout "WENCH! WHERE'S ME RUM?!". Bluhg.
The next morning was great. I woke up, threw on my swim trunks and a shirt, skipped the shoes, and stepped out of my tent onto soft, cool sand... littered with twigs from the surrounding trees, of course. Ow.
We had breakfast. Eggs, pancakes, sausage, bacon, ham. The Five Camping Food Groups. That passed pretty quickly, so Keith, the annoying prick, Alese and I, played a modified game of Ladder Ball wherein there are two ladders. We played for a while and I didn't do very well, but it passed the time until the real fun part happened, the beach.
Being steps away from the beach has it's advantages. You don't have to bring the coolers with you, for one. We were close enough to the shoreline to leave the drinks at camp and just set up the chairs and canopy. Spent the day there. Unfortunately I didn't spend as much time relaxing as I wanted to because Keith wanted to swim. He wouldn't shut up about it until he did, and he only did when someone went with him. I ended up getting out of the water to play Badminton with Mike. That was pretty much our Saturday. A lot of beach, not much else. Got an awesome tan though.
Sunday we went and rented a boat. Not a really fancy boat, just a pontoon boat. It was enough to keep us entertained for a day though. We drove down at 8 to pick the boat up. There was a hot girl working the desk that, as I found out through conversation about fishing and SCUBA diving, was 18. I got reeeeeeeeeal quiet. I thought. My biggest downfall, thinking, had struck again. DAMN MY BRAIN MEATS.
Rawr. I bought a pair of sunglasses while I was in there. Little did I know, I was going to lose my wallet in the reservoir.
I stuck my wallet into my back pocket and we tottled off to our boat, waiting in the marina below.
We hopped in the boat, navigated it out of the marina, and hauled ass to the other side of the lake where the Sandy Beach campground resides. I stood most of the time, unbuttoned shirt fluttering in the breeze. The spray of water from the force of the boat blasting it's way through the water. {/overdescribing}
It was time to pick everyone else up from the campsite. We got that out of the way and began exploring the lake. I remembered some good swimming spots from the last time I had been out there, so I navigated us in and we took a little swim. Unfortunately, when I got into the water, I completely forgot about my wallet, which was residing in the pocket of my trunks, without any way to fasten it in. Of course, I didn't notice right when I got in, and by the time I remembered, it would have either been carried by the current an untold number of miles, or sunk to the bottom, about twenty feet down. Yar.
Of course, no story involving annoying people can go too far without them. As I was attempting to board the boat again, I sliced my hand on an exposed screw. It's quite a nasty cut. Of course, Mr Mini-Asshole heckled me about my complete inability to board the high craft. That's not the worst part. He later called me an alcoholic because I had ONE beer while we were on the boat. ONE.
The end of the day we took the boat back. The girl was still there. I went to go buy a flashlight so I had something to see with, as Hanzy, who's keychain light I was using, was leaving. I reach for my pocket, having completely forgotten I had lost my wallet to the water, and sheepishly returned the flashlight to it's foam resting place in the little store.
Thankfully Hanzy had his wallet handy and sprung the $8 for the light. I'm now the proud owner of a little handheld 3 LED flashlight. YAY! -_-
Right, so we head back to camp, they pack up and leave, uneventful night. The next day, spend more time on the beach, grab a few quick snaps of the beach and sunset again, and a pic of me while I was at it.
And thus, that was my weekend in a nutshell.
Yesterday I managed to get to my bank and get my debit card re-issued with a new number, and managed to talk to the girl at the Philly Cheesesteak place. Turns out she's just about to turn 17. :D
Righty. That only took forever.
Until next time
Thursday night Mom had the baby (finally). Big Baby Rhiannon was born 9 pounds 11 ounces. Everyone was rushing around like those little ball-chasing ferret toys.
It was a nice vacation. Took off from work at 3 on Friday, stopped by home, packed up the little I needed, like an air mattress, two shirts, and swim trunks, and said my adieu to my grandfather, who was watching my brother while my mom was in the hospital with the baby. From there we went over to Hanzy's house to get his tent, as he wouldn't be making it up until 11 or later. From there it was a long drive to Glendo, Wyoming. We only stopped twice, once to get food from Wendy's and once because I had to use the bathroom (I can remember these things for some reason).
In the truck we had Tina, Mike and Alese, my aunt, her husband, and my cousin respectively. Hanzy and Sherry, accompanied by their little brat of a grand-nephew, would be coming up later. LONG drive later (two and a half hours) we arrive at the Reservoir. This place is AMAZING, you pitch your tent in sand right off the beach, sheltered by trees. The lake is gigantic. The beach is long and windy, with families having fun everywhere. Lots of hot babes in swimsuits... erm... yeah.
The first afternoon/evening is spent pitching tents and unloading. We had the misfortune of being there the same weekend as a ski group of around thirty people who very openly aspire to be pirates. While we were setting up they had a lively party, and stole our hammer. Those right bastards walked right up, grabbed the hammer from inside our truck, and vamoosed with it. I was very pissed off. Anyway, we get set up and take off to the beach to get some photos of the sunset, which is incredibly beautiful from there.
After that we hung out and waited for Hanzy, keeping the fire going and the food hot. They arrive around 11 ish, unpack a bunch of stuff, and we sit around the fire with marshmallows on sticks in hand. Now, Hanzy and Mike are both South-African, born and raised, so naturally, they speak a lot of Afrikaans to each other. It's a very confusing language.
That night I tried my damnedest to get some sleep, but the pirates were noisy. I'd be on the virge of falling into unconsciousness when some drunkard would shout "WENCH! WHERE'S ME RUM?!". Bluhg.
The next morning was great. I woke up, threw on my swim trunks and a shirt, skipped the shoes, and stepped out of my tent onto soft, cool sand... littered with twigs from the surrounding trees, of course. Ow.
We had breakfast. Eggs, pancakes, sausage, bacon, ham. The Five Camping Food Groups. That passed pretty quickly, so Keith, the annoying prick, Alese and I, played a modified game of Ladder Ball wherein there are two ladders. We played for a while and I didn't do very well, but it passed the time until the real fun part happened, the beach.
Being steps away from the beach has it's advantages. You don't have to bring the coolers with you, for one. We were close enough to the shoreline to leave the drinks at camp and just set up the chairs and canopy. Spent the day there. Unfortunately I didn't spend as much time relaxing as I wanted to because Keith wanted to swim. He wouldn't shut up about it until he did, and he only did when someone went with him. I ended up getting out of the water to play Badminton with Mike. That was pretty much our Saturday. A lot of beach, not much else. Got an awesome tan though.
Sunday we went and rented a boat. Not a really fancy boat, just a pontoon boat. It was enough to keep us entertained for a day though. We drove down at 8 to pick the boat up. There was a hot girl working the desk that, as I found out through conversation about fishing and SCUBA diving, was 18. I got reeeeeeeeeal quiet. I thought. My biggest downfall, thinking, had struck again. DAMN MY BRAIN MEATS.
Rawr. I bought a pair of sunglasses while I was in there. Little did I know, I was going to lose my wallet in the reservoir.
I stuck my wallet into my back pocket and we tottled off to our boat, waiting in the marina below.
We hopped in the boat, navigated it out of the marina, and hauled ass to the other side of the lake where the Sandy Beach campground resides. I stood most of the time, unbuttoned shirt fluttering in the breeze. The spray of water from the force of the boat blasting it's way through the water. {/overdescribing}
It was time to pick everyone else up from the campsite. We got that out of the way and began exploring the lake. I remembered some good swimming spots from the last time I had been out there, so I navigated us in and we took a little swim. Unfortunately, when I got into the water, I completely forgot about my wallet, which was residing in the pocket of my trunks, without any way to fasten it in. Of course, I didn't notice right when I got in, and by the time I remembered, it would have either been carried by the current an untold number of miles, or sunk to the bottom, about twenty feet down. Yar.
Of course, no story involving annoying people can go too far without them. As I was attempting to board the boat again, I sliced my hand on an exposed screw. It's quite a nasty cut. Of course, Mr Mini-Asshole heckled me about my complete inability to board the high craft. That's not the worst part. He later called me an alcoholic because I had ONE beer while we were on the boat. ONE.
The end of the day we took the boat back. The girl was still there. I went to go buy a flashlight so I had something to see with, as Hanzy, who's keychain light I was using, was leaving. I reach for my pocket, having completely forgotten I had lost my wallet to the water, and sheepishly returned the flashlight to it's foam resting place in the little store.
Thankfully Hanzy had his wallet handy and sprung the $8 for the light. I'm now the proud owner of a little handheld 3 LED flashlight. YAY! -_-
Right, so we head back to camp, they pack up and leave, uneventful night. The next day, spend more time on the beach, grab a few quick snaps of the beach and sunset again, and a pic of me while I was at it.
And thus, that was my weekend in a nutshell.
Yesterday I managed to get to my bank and get my debit card re-issued with a new number, and managed to talk to the girl at the Philly Cheesesteak place. Turns out she's just about to turn 17. :D
Righty. That only took forever.
Until next time
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
There's this guy
Those three words I despise more than any in the world. And they're words I've heard once again.
Was a normal day at work, things going fairly fast. Texted Anna to see if we could do something. The reply: "Well there's this guy named Westly"
This guy, his name is Westly, see? Well apparently Anna likes him.
And not me.
Ah, fuck it. What's done is done, I'm not going to dwell on it much. Just another day in the life of Jarannis. There's This Guy, and he's not me.
Was a normal day at work, things going fairly fast. Texted Anna to see if we could do something. The reply: "Well there's this guy named Westly"
This guy, his name is Westly, see? Well apparently Anna likes him.
And not me.
Ah, fuck it. What's done is done, I'm not going to dwell on it much. Just another day in the life of Jarannis. There's This Guy, and he's not me.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
The second date
Well if I were to say it wasn't a resounding success, I'd be lying. We talked, laughed, and learned. Not only about each other but about our backgrounds. I don't even know what she listens to or what she watches on TV. Somehow we managed to skip over all that and talk about our lives. We're pretty similar from what I've gathered.
Both of us have been through a divorce, me from the outside, and her as a child in the middle. Similar experiences there, arguments and crying. We both have this innate ability to let things slide, to get over all that has happened without losing our minds. It's a blessing I think, to be able to do that, to just live on. What's happened didn't kill us, it made us stronger. It's something that I think makes a strong bond between us.
She made a comment specifically about how good a listener I was. How she feels comfortable talking around me, able to just let it all flow out. Not even with the best friends she's had was she able to feel that. She talks a lot, and I don't mind it. It's easier to jump into a conversation when I don't have time to think about the answers as much as I do. I don't slip up as much. Yeah, what I say is more stupid, and often times awkward, but I wasn't too embarassed considering I was out with a girl who yells at big black guys* faking "gangsta" (i.e., flat-billed hat off to the side, pants off the ass, with a POLO etc.).
(*that looked like they could rip my arms from my body and use them as drumsticks)
Instead of seeing Wall-E, we ended up seeing Hancock. To say we both enjoyed it would be an understatement. We laughed together, she got a little teary during some parts, but a lot less than the girl blubbering a few rows back. She was very absorbed into the movie. It's on my recommended list.
We did just end up eating in the food court. She insisted on paying again, saying she couldn't trouble me for the $11 meals at the microbrewery I wanted to take her to. I can see where she comes from there, though. I don't like people to pay for me, but I feel obligated now to pay for other people, since everyone was so nice to me while I was growing up.
The mall that I took her to today wasn't as snooty and stuck up as the other one was. She felt comfortable there, which was a significant improvement over the last time. Unfortunately, due to stupid neighbors, loud fireworks, and a lack of self-restraint on the part of said neighbors, she wasn't able to get to sleep until 4 AM, which kinda degraded from the experience. We ended up leaving early so she could go take a nap, but she needed one and I didn't want her to suffer for my sake. If I'd known sooner I'd have let her sleep, but she didn't let me know until we were halfway there.
I got a hug when we picked her up, which surprised me. I'm taking that as a good sign. When I dropped her off, I got out of the car to walk her to the door. I took the safe route and left it as a hug, but she held on for so long, and rested her head on my shoulder. I'm thinking I don't want to rush this. I have a really good feeling about the whole thing, and I don't want to mess it up.
Speaking of tired, I'm really tired. I almost fell asleep writing this. >.<
Both of us have been through a divorce, me from the outside, and her as a child in the middle. Similar experiences there, arguments and crying. We both have this innate ability to let things slide, to get over all that has happened without losing our minds. It's a blessing I think, to be able to do that, to just live on. What's happened didn't kill us, it made us stronger. It's something that I think makes a strong bond between us.
She made a comment specifically about how good a listener I was. How she feels comfortable talking around me, able to just let it all flow out. Not even with the best friends she's had was she able to feel that. She talks a lot, and I don't mind it. It's easier to jump into a conversation when I don't have time to think about the answers as much as I do. I don't slip up as much. Yeah, what I say is more stupid, and often times awkward, but I wasn't too embarassed considering I was out with a girl who yells at big black guys* faking "gangsta" (i.e., flat-billed hat off to the side, pants off the ass, with a POLO etc.).
(*that looked like they could rip my arms from my body and use them as drumsticks)
Instead of seeing Wall-E, we ended up seeing Hancock. To say we both enjoyed it would be an understatement. We laughed together, she got a little teary during some parts, but a lot less than the girl blubbering a few rows back. She was very absorbed into the movie. It's on my recommended list.
We did just end up eating in the food court. She insisted on paying again, saying she couldn't trouble me for the $11 meals at the microbrewery I wanted to take her to. I can see where she comes from there, though. I don't like people to pay for me, but I feel obligated now to pay for other people, since everyone was so nice to me while I was growing up.
The mall that I took her to today wasn't as snooty and stuck up as the other one was. She felt comfortable there, which was a significant improvement over the last time. Unfortunately, due to stupid neighbors, loud fireworks, and a lack of self-restraint on the part of said neighbors, she wasn't able to get to sleep until 4 AM, which kinda degraded from the experience. We ended up leaving early so she could go take a nap, but she needed one and I didn't want her to suffer for my sake. If I'd known sooner I'd have let her sleep, but she didn't let me know until we were halfway there.
I got a hug when we picked her up, which surprised me. I'm taking that as a good sign. When I dropped her off, I got out of the car to walk her to the door. I took the safe route and left it as a hug, but she held on for so long, and rested her head on my shoulder. I'm thinking I don't want to rush this. I have a really good feeling about the whole thing, and I don't want to mess it up.
Speaking of tired, I'm really tired. I almost fell asleep writing this. >.<
Monday, June 23, 2008
WAHOOOOOOO (2)
Yeah, I kinda missed a key point... the description of Anna... That might be important.
She's about my height, seventeen, green eyes, blond. I could look at her face for HOURS (the good way) but I wouldn't want to stare. She's been in a show of some kind or another since she was young (church plays, school productions, camp productions, etc). She's a little clumsy... if I mentioned she sprayed me with her pop in the other entry, immediately after that as she was reaching to get a napkin she managed to get her fingers in her ketchup, and while cleaning up after that knocked her chick-fil-a bag on the floor.
She almost fell down the escalator, I managed to grab her before she plummeted to a guaranteed hospital visit.
While we were talking I gathered a few things on how she sees me, another possibly important piece of information. I fall into the category of adorable... which might be a good thing, because if her comments on clothing are any indication, cute clothes are okay, but adorable clothes are worth a second look.
I'm over-analyzing this I think.
Uh... I guess the way I carry myself off is strange to her, and I need to work on that eye-contact thing. There were issues when we started but once I got comfortable the eye-contact thing got easier. To the point where I wasn't looking away at random times.
I think that's all.
She's about my height, seventeen, green eyes, blond. I could look at her face for HOURS (the good way) but I wouldn't want to stare. She's been in a show of some kind or another since she was young (church plays, school productions, camp productions, etc). She's a little clumsy... if I mentioned she sprayed me with her pop in the other entry, immediately after that as she was reaching to get a napkin she managed to get her fingers in her ketchup, and while cleaning up after that knocked her chick-fil-a bag on the floor.
She almost fell down the escalator, I managed to grab her before she plummeted to a guaranteed hospital visit.
While we were talking I gathered a few things on how she sees me, another possibly important piece of information. I fall into the category of adorable... which might be a good thing, because if her comments on clothing are any indication, cute clothes are okay, but adorable clothes are worth a second look.
I'm over-analyzing this I think.
Uh... I guess the way I carry myself off is strange to her, and I need to work on that eye-contact thing. There were issues when we started but once I got comfortable the eye-contact thing got easier. To the point where I wasn't looking away at random times.
I think that's all.
WAHOOOOOOO
Yes, it happened. The date! It happened! Nothing got messed up, no plans got changed, nobody was late. We ended up going to Chick-fil-a because everything else sounded nasty. (...?) It's what she wanted, and she INSISTED on paying. I offered, but I didn't want to force it on her and piss her off. Anyway, we talked for AGES at the food court, (which the snooty mall called the "Dining Hall". Ritzy). She loves the way I talk and how sheltered it sounded, how proper I was with my grammar. Apparently I need to loosen up. We hung out in the mall that contained said restaurant. It was ritzy, and she had fun, but the snooty people kept glaring at her... probably because she was covered in wall paint.
She made fun of the people who pay $50 for a strip of fabric. Which was pretty much everyone there. After we were glared at for a while it was obvious we weren't welcome there, so we took off. On the way back in the direction of her house, she surprised both I and my stepdad when she asked if we wanted to do anything else. I did the gentlemanly thing and let her pick the next thing we did, since my idea led to glaring and discomfort.
Apparently her friend was jonesing for a game of pool. Well, It's not really in my nature to say no, and besides, her friend wouldn't have given us directions unless we let her go too. We pick her up. (Might I say, her friend was HOT) Anna sits in the back, squished between me and the carseat. I didn't plan it that way, but it ended up being a good opportunity to grope her ass. (Hush you) She had directed my attention to her boobs and ass earlier, while showing off her scars of battle (paint splats). Yeah... I took the opportunity and she just smiled. I guess it was the right thing to do considering she had just sat on my hand.
Right, so we get to the pool hall, and the first game we play, I CREAM her. It was bad... I think I had a five-hit streak. Unfortunately I set the precident, so if we go again I can't intentionally lose or it will LOOK like I let her win and that might not be the best idea. Played her again and tried to ease up a little, and it got down to one ball each plus the eight. Lost on a technicality. Her friend wanted to play me next, and she was decent. Wasn't able to beat her but it was close. The last game of the night I played with my stepdad, and she played with her friend. I tried my best not to pay too much attention, but the whole time they watched me.
The ride home was... interesting. We crammed in the back of the car, did the fun buckle-groping, and set off for her friend's house. My stepdad ended up taking a road that was in disrepair for the first leg, which meant lots of bumping back and forth intentionally. She ended up holding on to me to avoid being shaken around too much. We hit a smooth strech of road and she set her head down on my shoulder. That was comfy.
At her friend's house I offered her the front seat. She said it was too much work to get out and walk around the car to sit up front, and seemed happy when I just told my stepdad to start moving again. Now I'm no expert, but getting out of a car, and getting back into it on the other side... isn't that hard. I'm thinking she was happy where she was. Just a hunch mind you.
We get to her house, and all pile out of the back seat. I walk her up most of the way because her mom's standing in the doorway and Anna's not ready for me to meet her yet. She seemed in a hurry, being urged to the door by her mom, so there's no opportunity to move in for a kiss. She gets halfway between me and the door, turns around, arms outstretched. I was already walking away at that point, so she tries to get my attention with a cough. I turned around, saw her with her arms out, and felt like a dumbass. So I run back up and hug her. She's squeezing tighter than I was at first. I wasn't too sure what kind of hug she wanted... but it was fairly clear by how tight she was hugging me that it wasn't just a "yeah, good to see you" kind of hug. As she turned to go back in, she said "Don't worry, you did great."
And I guess that's the rundown of the evening.
WOOOOOOOOO!
She made fun of the people who pay $50 for a strip of fabric. Which was pretty much everyone there. After we were glared at for a while it was obvious we weren't welcome there, so we took off. On the way back in the direction of her house, she surprised both I and my stepdad when she asked if we wanted to do anything else. I did the gentlemanly thing and let her pick the next thing we did, since my idea led to glaring and discomfort.
Apparently her friend was jonesing for a game of pool. Well, It's not really in my nature to say no, and besides, her friend wouldn't have given us directions unless we let her go too. We pick her up. (Might I say, her friend was HOT) Anna sits in the back, squished between me and the carseat. I didn't plan it that way, but it ended up being a good opportunity to grope her ass. (Hush you) She had directed my attention to her boobs and ass earlier, while showing off her scars of battle (paint splats). Yeah... I took the opportunity and she just smiled. I guess it was the right thing to do considering she had just sat on my hand.
Right, so we get to the pool hall, and the first game we play, I CREAM her. It was bad... I think I had a five-hit streak. Unfortunately I set the precident, so if we go again I can't intentionally lose or it will LOOK like I let her win and that might not be the best idea. Played her again and tried to ease up a little, and it got down to one ball each plus the eight. Lost on a technicality. Her friend wanted to play me next, and she was decent. Wasn't able to beat her but it was close. The last game of the night I played with my stepdad, and she played with her friend. I tried my best not to pay too much attention, but the whole time they watched me.
The ride home was... interesting. We crammed in the back of the car, did the fun buckle-groping, and set off for her friend's house. My stepdad ended up taking a road that was in disrepair for the first leg, which meant lots of bumping back and forth intentionally. She ended up holding on to me to avoid being shaken around too much. We hit a smooth strech of road and she set her head down on my shoulder. That was comfy.
At her friend's house I offered her the front seat. She said it was too much work to get out and walk around the car to sit up front, and seemed happy when I just told my stepdad to start moving again. Now I'm no expert, but getting out of a car, and getting back into it on the other side... isn't that hard. I'm thinking she was happy where she was. Just a hunch mind you.
We get to her house, and all pile out of the back seat. I walk her up most of the way because her mom's standing in the doorway and Anna's not ready for me to meet her yet. She seemed in a hurry, being urged to the door by her mom, so there's no opportunity to move in for a kiss. She gets halfway between me and the door, turns around, arms outstretched. I was already walking away at that point, so she tries to get my attention with a cough. I turned around, saw her with her arms out, and felt like a dumbass. So I run back up and hug her. She's squeezing tighter than I was at first. I wasn't too sure what kind of hug she wanted... but it was fairly clear by how tight she was hugging me that it wasn't just a "yeah, good to see you" kind of hug. As she turned to go back in, she said "Don't worry, you did great."
And I guess that's the rundown of the evening.
WOOOOOOOOO!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
YEAH!
Despite speculation that Anna would never call me back, either due to lack of interest or her having a boyfriend or something, she did call. We're going to meet up at the Village Inn out near her, then go hang out at the mall. She also asked me if I would be in a music video she's making for a college scholarship.
I'm incredibly excited. This is really the first true DATE I've ever had.
I'll probably blog the shit out of what happens, so keep an eye on this place for a how it went post. Should be here tomorrow night or Tuesday.
Despite speculation that Anna would never call me back, either due to lack of interest or her having a boyfriend or something, she did call. We're going to meet up at the Village Inn out near her, then go hang out at the mall. She also asked me if I would be in a music video she's making for a college scholarship.
I'm incredibly excited. This is really the first true DATE I've ever had.
I'll probably blog the shit out of what happens, so keep an eye on this place for a how it went post. Should be here tomorrow night or Tuesday.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Well now. It's come to my attention that my newest interest (Anna) has somehow broken or lost her phone. I guess it's not too bad because I have her home number now, but I'm actually going to have to TALK to her.
Though considering I called her cell number to see if she just wasn't answering texts, I guess I called her in a way. I must say though, she has the cutest voicemail box greeting EVER. She sings the "I'm late" song that the hare sings in the Disney animated Alice in Wonderland. I was smiling all day after that.
I almost ended up getting tickets to go see Sweeney Todd on stage, but decided against it. Had a nice deal on front row seats. Anna would have loved that, but I would have had to bring my sister along for the ride... and that might not go very well. A and I will probably go to a movie and eat somewhere instead. I should call tomorrow and see if Friday would work...
I got a Logitech MOMO racing wheel. Goes well with Grid, my most recent game purchase. I will however note that Grid is an unforgiving bastard that will eat you and your babies for lunch before devouring your mother for dessert. Trackmania is going to help cull my Grid Anger, and pull me away from my other obsession. Audiosurf is an addiction.
Blagh. Anyway, if you've missed seeing me around, I'm trying to get to a point where I can go through the day without caffeine, so I'm trying to sleep more. Tonight I'm going to bed at 1:30, as opposed to my usual 3:00 bedtime. Hopefully I can get to that point and be able to stay up late on the weekends without developing too much of a sleep deficit.
Anyway, lots of fun plans in the works. Going to try to get to the local amusement park, then the water park, do some mini-golfing, see a few movies, etc. Mostly because my sister is here for a month or so and she gets bored easily. There goes any buying money I'd have...
Rawr.
Though considering I called her cell number to see if she just wasn't answering texts, I guess I called her in a way. I must say though, she has the cutest voicemail box greeting EVER. She sings the "I'm late" song that the hare sings in the Disney animated Alice in Wonderland. I was smiling all day after that.
I almost ended up getting tickets to go see Sweeney Todd on stage, but decided against it. Had a nice deal on front row seats. Anna would have loved that, but I would have had to bring my sister along for the ride... and that might not go very well. A and I will probably go to a movie and eat somewhere instead. I should call tomorrow and see if Friday would work...
I got a Logitech MOMO racing wheel. Goes well with Grid, my most recent game purchase. I will however note that Grid is an unforgiving bastard that will eat you and your babies for lunch before devouring your mother for dessert. Trackmania is going to help cull my Grid Anger, and pull me away from my other obsession. Audiosurf is an addiction.
Blagh. Anyway, if you've missed seeing me around, I'm trying to get to a point where I can go through the day without caffeine, so I'm trying to sleep more. Tonight I'm going to bed at 1:30, as opposed to my usual 3:00 bedtime. Hopefully I can get to that point and be able to stay up late on the weekends without developing too much of a sleep deficit.
Anyway, lots of fun plans in the works. Going to try to get to the local amusement park, then the water park, do some mini-golfing, see a few movies, etc. Mostly because my sister is here for a month or so and she gets bored easily. There goes any buying money I'd have...
Rawr.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Well, this weekend has been good so far.
So Saturday I was at a friend's graduation barbecue. Well, I was expecting a quiet awkward family event. What I got was copious amounts of SingStar, cake that stained everyone's mouths purple, and more beef than most people eat in a year.
SingStar was AWESOME. I managed to get up the courage to go up there, and ended up singing almost every song on the Pop and 90's discs. I sucked. Hard. But that didn't matter. I made a total fool of myself and didn't feel horrible about it. It was FUN. Most of the time though, I was singing opposite Anna, a beautiful, tall, somewhat clumsy girl around my age. Hell, we pretty much monopolized the game. Her voice is beautiful. Erm... anyway... I got her phone number and we've texted for about three hours already today. She's done some theatre in school, likes most of the same music I do, (sings it wonderfully), and apparently has some interest in dating me.
We're both broke at the moment though, so if anything happens it'll be after the 17th. It'll give me some time to get cleaned up. Get rid of the nasty acne problems I have going on.
After the graduation party it was off to a Rockies game with my cousin Jer. He got tickets for cheap because of a scholarship. I ended up getting there first and standing around outside the gate for a half hour waiting for him. After the first inning I and one of my cousin's friends walked around some. He ended up pocketing a baseball (much to my dismay) and got away with it.
Not too happy about that, but he's never done it before. Let's hope he doesn't do it again.
I'll probably head out to Jer's house next weekend to spend some time with the guys.
Still, this whole past weekend has me jumping off the walls everywhere.
SingStar was AWESOME. I managed to get up the courage to go up there, and ended up singing almost every song on the Pop and 90's discs. I sucked. Hard. But that didn't matter. I made a total fool of myself and didn't feel horrible about it. It was FUN. Most of the time though, I was singing opposite Anna, a beautiful, tall, somewhat clumsy girl around my age. Hell, we pretty much monopolized the game. Her voice is beautiful. Erm... anyway... I got her phone number and we've texted for about three hours already today. She's done some theatre in school, likes most of the same music I do, (sings it wonderfully), and apparently has some interest in dating me.
We're both broke at the moment though, so if anything happens it'll be after the 17th. It'll give me some time to get cleaned up. Get rid of the nasty acne problems I have going on.
After the graduation party it was off to a Rockies game with my cousin Jer. He got tickets for cheap because of a scholarship. I ended up getting there first and standing around outside the gate for a half hour waiting for him. After the first inning I and one of my cousin's friends walked around some. He ended up pocketing a baseball (much to my dismay) and got away with it.
Not too happy about that, but he's never done it before. Let's hope he doesn't do it again.
I'll probably head out to Jer's house next weekend to spend some time with the guys.
Still, this whole past weekend has me jumping off the walls everywhere.
Monday, June 2, 2008
I bought things.
Yep, so the past week or two I've ordered Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, a 5.1 channel surround connector for my 360, Megatokyo volumes 1-5, Inverloch 1 and 2, and tomorrow hopefully an Asus Eee 900 (whatever the twenty gig for $550 is)
Honestly that's about it. The lady I work with is close to a divorce, her husband works for the same company. Payroll is a day late. I installed a sprinkler system between the hours of noon and 10:45 PM on Saturday, etc.
Oh, I did get into City of Heroes/Villains last week. I've been playing it with Eric, Shelle and Tara. It's going to end up being an addiction I think.
Honestly that's about it. The lady I work with is close to a divorce, her husband works for the same company. Payroll is a day late. I installed a sprinkler system between the hours of noon and 10:45 PM on Saturday, etc.
Oh, I did get into City of Heroes/Villains last week. I've been playing it with Eric, Shelle and Tara. It's going to end up being an addiction I think.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
My Epic Weekend
My cousin (all these names are henceforth's, as in, henceforth they'll be known as this) Jer graduated third in his class of fourteen. Well, that's the one glaringly ordinary part of my weekend out of the way.
So, start this puppy off Saturday, with the barbecue party before graduation. Was hanging out, talking with the guys, etc. when one decided to get his go-cart and hit a few big dips. That, however was a BAD IDEA. Seven's go-cart was going about forty when it hit the biggest dip on the track. It dipped down, and came back up just fine, but on it's way back to the ground, it's nose hit the dirt. Well, with momentum being what it is, the cart went end-over-end twice. Thankfully Seven managed to kick out during the first one when the cart was still pretty high. The cart landed right-side up with the assistance of the valve cover, who's fee for that service was snapping off completely. Seven walks away with an ass with a nasty scrape, a skinned elbow, and a laugh.
The pre-graduation party finishes up just fine, and the guys and I take off so they can get ready for the big hour. I play some Guitar Hero for the first time. It's a fun game, I might pick up a copy sometime.
Anyway, the graduation has probably the MOST FREAKING AWESOME march-in of ANY graduation EVER. Take Pomp and Circumstance, and replace the instruments with an electric guitar. Well that was what they got. Apparently one of the sports coaches can play the guitar very well. (they just call them coaches, they never specify because they coach... well... everything) I have video but it's short and you can barely hear it over the crowd noise and it was a little too loud for the camera anyway. Still freaking awesome. Anyway... Speech, graduation, pictures, etc. etc. ON TO THE AFTERPARTY
So after graduation we end up hanging at Jer's house until the parties got going. His party gets a move on about an hour after we finally got home from the graduation. Was lame. Parents, coaches. Everyone was limited to one beer, etc.
We move on to Ope's house, as his dad works for Coors. Now THAT was a party. Everyone got locked in a garage with a fridge full of beer. So full, in fact, that the shelves had to be taken out to get it all to fit. Ten or fifteen cases. Needless to say, we got mighty drunk.
It was awesome. For probably the first time in my life, I was chatting up everyone. The girls were open for conversations, the guys would talk politics, occasionally someone would have to cut out to go to the bathroom, miss the conversation swing, come back, and confuse everyone.
Fun times to be had all around, even when I got confident (read: Drunk) enough to touch people.
Now you must understand, I NEVER touch anyone when I'm out of the house. Ever. I don't touch my co-workers, I don't touch my friends, I don't touch people to get their attention.
Well, I got touchy. I groped one of the sober girls on accident (while trying to get my balance) and forgot to move my hand when I had stood up again. Much to my surprise, she didn't mind at all, might have liked it even.
Anyway, Jer had popped off back home because his stomach hurt, and Picks stuck around until he got bored and left me there with the party. I wasn't too upset, I was having fun. I ended up feeling in charge of my other cousin Wherrz (as in, wherrz meh whisky). Well she got so drunk she was having trouble standing... at all. I confiscated her Jack 'n' Tea (marvelous invention by the way). She started sobering up a little, but tried three times to go streaking. Not happening when I'm around. There's always a camera, and unfortunately, I know this well.
Sober Groped Girl (whom I'm having issues naming otherwise) seemed to like the valiant effort.
I made it back to Jer's somehow. I remember a ride but not the driver. Sunday we went and saw Iron Man. It was awesome. That's my weekend.
So, start this puppy off Saturday, with the barbecue party before graduation. Was hanging out, talking with the guys, etc. when one decided to get his go-cart and hit a few big dips. That, however was a BAD IDEA. Seven's go-cart was going about forty when it hit the biggest dip on the track. It dipped down, and came back up just fine, but on it's way back to the ground, it's nose hit the dirt. Well, with momentum being what it is, the cart went end-over-end twice. Thankfully Seven managed to kick out during the first one when the cart was still pretty high. The cart landed right-side up with the assistance of the valve cover, who's fee for that service was snapping off completely. Seven walks away with an ass with a nasty scrape, a skinned elbow, and a laugh.
The pre-graduation party finishes up just fine, and the guys and I take off so they can get ready for the big hour. I play some Guitar Hero for the first time. It's a fun game, I might pick up a copy sometime.
Anyway, the graduation has probably the MOST FREAKING AWESOME march-in of ANY graduation EVER. Take Pomp and Circumstance, and replace the instruments with an electric guitar. Well that was what they got. Apparently one of the sports coaches can play the guitar very well. (they just call them coaches, they never specify because they coach... well... everything) I have video but it's short and you can barely hear it over the crowd noise and it was a little too loud for the camera anyway. Still freaking awesome. Anyway... Speech, graduation, pictures, etc. etc. ON TO THE AFTERPARTY
So after graduation we end up hanging at Jer's house until the parties got going. His party gets a move on about an hour after we finally got home from the graduation. Was lame. Parents, coaches. Everyone was limited to one beer, etc.
We move on to Ope's house, as his dad works for Coors. Now THAT was a party. Everyone got locked in a garage with a fridge full of beer. So full, in fact, that the shelves had to be taken out to get it all to fit. Ten or fifteen cases. Needless to say, we got mighty drunk.
It was awesome. For probably the first time in my life, I was chatting up everyone. The girls were open for conversations, the guys would talk politics, occasionally someone would have to cut out to go to the bathroom, miss the conversation swing, come back, and confuse everyone.
Fun times to be had all around, even when I got confident (read: Drunk) enough to touch people.
Now you must understand, I NEVER touch anyone when I'm out of the house. Ever. I don't touch my co-workers, I don't touch my friends, I don't touch people to get their attention.
Well, I got touchy. I groped one of the sober girls on accident (while trying to get my balance) and forgot to move my hand when I had stood up again. Much to my surprise, she didn't mind at all, might have liked it even.
Anyway, Jer had popped off back home because his stomach hurt, and Picks stuck around until he got bored and left me there with the party. I wasn't too upset, I was having fun. I ended up feeling in charge of my other cousin Wherrz (as in, wherrz meh whisky). Well she got so drunk she was having trouble standing... at all. I confiscated her Jack 'n' Tea (marvelous invention by the way). She started sobering up a little, but tried three times to go streaking. Not happening when I'm around. There's always a camera, and unfortunately, I know this well.
Sober Groped Girl (whom I'm having issues naming otherwise) seemed to like the valiant effort.
I made it back to Jer's somehow. I remember a ride but not the driver. Sunday we went and saw Iron Man. It was awesome. That's my weekend.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
My week so far... in pictures
The baby cursed me to a week of heavy workloads
It just kept coming
and coming
and coming
Finally by today things had let up... Finally...
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
The Phoenix Requiem
@teyla: HUSH YOU! I felt it demanded it's own blog post and I hadn't gotten around to it. SO THERE.
Anyway, as Teyla pointed out, my last blog post didn't mention The Phoenix Requiem. Like LoadingReadyRun (which by the way is AWESOME), it has enough awesome points saved up to be worth it's own blog post.
I hesitate to call The Phoenix Requiem a webcomic. Though I can't find a better word, the artwork alone is awesome enough to push it just over "webcomic" quality, though it's mostly because of just how much detail is put into the shading. Just the amount of detail put into the whole thing is incredible.
The story flows very smoothly, the gestures are awesome, and just in general has the feeling of something well thought out.
If you haven't given it a look, take a while and read the archive. See it for yourself.
http://requiem.seraph-inn.com/
Anyway, as Teyla pointed out, my last blog post didn't mention The Phoenix Requiem. Like LoadingReadyRun (which by the way is AWESOME), it has enough awesome points saved up to be worth it's own blog post.
I hesitate to call The Phoenix Requiem a webcomic. Though I can't find a better word, the artwork alone is awesome enough to push it just over "webcomic" quality, though it's mostly because of just how much detail is put into the shading. Just the amount of detail put into the whole thing is incredible.
The story flows very smoothly, the gestures are awesome, and just in general has the feeling of something well thought out.
If you haven't given it a look, take a while and read the archive. See it for yourself.
http://requiem.seraph-inn.com/
Sunday, May 4, 2008
The Review Thing Episode 1 - Anime! Games! Webcomics!
Welcome to Part Two!
So this past week I've watched a lot of anime, finished up a series, started a few new ones, and really felt for a few characters. The best of all of them this past week? Full Metal Panic!: The Second Raid.
Now TSR is the continuation of the original Full Metal Panic series, and it weaves more of the intricate tale of military hierarchy and romance. The last episode was heart-wrenching... for me at least. I'm a romantic. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Really hoping they continue the series.
Recently I started Bleach. Anti-fanboys everywhere are whipping out their torches and pitchforks to raid my home, I just know it. Well put the incendiary soaked branches and hay-relocation tools away, because I'm not a rabid fanboy. Bleach has a seemingly sound premise, from the manga I gathered most of the story, and the anime sticks to that pretty well. The real issue I have with it are the VOICE ACTORS. Ichigo sounds a few years older than fifteen... try twenty or twenty-five.
I also managed to get started on Death Note, but since my downloads are of shitty quality, I'm going to put that on hold and wait for the DVDs to come from Netflix. So far so good though.
Moving on to games, I signed myself onto Steam and purchased Trackmania United. I've been a fan of the insane upside-down, corkscrew, jump, spin, slide action of the free versions Trackmania Nations and it's later counterpart Nations Forever, for about as long as I can remember having known about them. It's a great time when played with an Xbox 360 controller. United adds quite a few new tracks and cars to the Nations Forever package, all set in beautiful scenery. Some of the different kinds of races can be difficult, but it's fun to retry until you beat the gold.
Team Fortress 2 has recaptured my attention since the recent update, including a nice boost to the number of people wanting to play Medic. I make a better Heavy than anything else, unless I've just been playing Counter-Strike, then I make a good sniper. Either way, teams have been too offense centric, and it's good to see it starting to drift to medics a little more. Makes my job as a heavy a TON easier.
Then there's the ever awesome Audiosurf, which is a good all around rhythm game. Instead of hitting keys at the right time, you move the mouse to navigate your ship through "cars" on the highway. The unique thing is, the highway changes with the music, as does your speed. It's probably my favorite game on Steam at the moment, surpassing TF2, CS:S and Trackmania.
Webcomics... My latest addiction...
So, this is all Teyla's fault, for the record. She introduced me to these. I just ended up enjoying them (this goes back to the "I'm a romantic" thing. See, I said it again.).
I suppose I'd just better break down and let it out... I saved it for last, not necessarily because it's the best, but because my love of these webcomics is somewhat embarrassing. The one I'm most interested in would have to be Marry Me. It's a comic about a guy who goes to a concert with his friend, ends up holding her sign to get it autographed, and ends up married to the artist they had gone to see. Yeah...
The other two are The Way To Your Heart and Red String, both teen romance manga-style comics. Both with romantic main plotlines, and both have me hooked.
Again I say: DAMN YOU TEYLA! >.>
So this past week I've watched a lot of anime, finished up a series, started a few new ones, and really felt for a few characters. The best of all of them this past week? Full Metal Panic!: The Second Raid.
Now TSR is the continuation of the original Full Metal Panic series, and it weaves more of the intricate tale of military hierarchy and romance. The last episode was heart-wrenching... for me at least. I'm a romantic. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Really hoping they continue the series.
Recently I started Bleach. Anti-fanboys everywhere are whipping out their torches and pitchforks to raid my home, I just know it. Well put the incendiary soaked branches and hay-relocation tools away, because I'm not a rabid fanboy. Bleach has a seemingly sound premise, from the manga I gathered most of the story, and the anime sticks to that pretty well. The real issue I have with it are the VOICE ACTORS. Ichigo sounds a few years older than fifteen... try twenty or twenty-five.
I also managed to get started on Death Note, but since my downloads are of shitty quality, I'm going to put that on hold and wait for the DVDs to come from Netflix. So far so good though.
Moving on to games, I signed myself onto Steam and purchased Trackmania United. I've been a fan of the insane upside-down, corkscrew, jump, spin, slide action of the free versions Trackmania Nations and it's later counterpart Nations Forever, for about as long as I can remember having known about them. It's a great time when played with an Xbox 360 controller. United adds quite a few new tracks and cars to the Nations Forever package, all set in beautiful scenery. Some of the different kinds of races can be difficult, but it's fun to retry until you beat the gold.
Team Fortress 2 has recaptured my attention since the recent update, including a nice boost to the number of people wanting to play Medic. I make a better Heavy than anything else, unless I've just been playing Counter-Strike, then I make a good sniper. Either way, teams have been too offense centric, and it's good to see it starting to drift to medics a little more. Makes my job as a heavy a TON easier.
Then there's the ever awesome Audiosurf, which is a good all around rhythm game. Instead of hitting keys at the right time, you move the mouse to navigate your ship through "cars" on the highway. The unique thing is, the highway changes with the music, as does your speed. It's probably my favorite game on Steam at the moment, surpassing TF2, CS:S and Trackmania.
Webcomics... My latest addiction...
So, this is all Teyla's fault, for the record. She introduced me to these. I just ended up enjoying them (this goes back to the "I'm a romantic" thing. See, I said it again.).
I suppose I'd just better break down and let it out... I saved it for last, not necessarily because it's the best, but because my love of these webcomics is somewhat embarrassing. The one I'm most interested in would have to be Marry Me. It's a comic about a guy who goes to a concert with his friend, ends up holding her sign to get it autographed, and ends up married to the artist they had gone to see. Yeah...
The other two are The Way To Your Heart and Red String, both teen romance manga-style comics. Both with romantic main plotlines, and both have me hooked.
Again I say: DAMN YOU TEYLA! >.>
Thursday, May 1, 2008
The Review Thing Episode 1 - Part One, Movies! Music!
Haro Haro everyone and welcome to The Review Thing, my once-monthly "I say what I watched and listened to that month and what I thought of it" post. I didn't watch many movies this month that I hadn't before, but there are indeed some worth mentioning. We'll start in the theater with 88 Minutes.
88 minutes is the story of a college professor and forensic psychiatrist who's life gets turned upside-down when he gets a phone call saying he has 88 minutes to live. Overall, I must say this movie delivered an exciting story with just the right number of plot twists. While the overall story remains pretty clean and to the point. Worth the money.
One of the other movies I saw ended up being one of the most messed up movies I have ever seen. A Clockwork Orange. There is more sexual imagery in the first part than nearly any other movie I've seen, not to mention the senseless violence and violation with large... objects... After all the lead-in violence, nudity, and bars filled with chairs and benches made out of naked female
mannequins, the story itself is actually one that has a message of sorts. It's a movie that leaves you thinking: "What. The. Hell. Was. That." then after the initial shock wears off, "That was a good movie".
I also saw Lord of War, starring a favorite of mine: Nick Cage. The story of a gun smuggler, it follows Cage's character through his illegal life, along with the effects it has on the people around him, and an interesting look at the morality of the trade. Another good movie that makes it on my favorites list.
Music wise I ran into a band called Titofelix, a small band that found themselves featured on Audiosurf Radio. In that short little stint I fell in love with two of their songs, "Anak" and "A Way to Everything" Both good songs that are definitely worth the free download at their website: http://www.titofelix.com/
Also coming in under the category of music, I bring you a band that's been around for a while but never really made it all to big. Never Heard Of It's contribution to this months review is the song Something Out There. It's an awesome story song about a family that had been torn apart by a fight and were reunited over the bed of the dying father figure. While there they stand by, ever watchful, over their dad. It's an awesome, inspiring song that I have yet to find on the internet anywhere anymore legitimate than Myspace. You can find the song Something Out There on my main Myspace page here: http://www.myspace.com/galaxia26 . I'm sure they'd love it if you clicked through and left a nice comment or two.
There goes part 1! In Saturday's post, I'll cover Anime, Webcomics, and Games.
88 minutes is the story of a college professor and forensic psychiatrist who's life gets turned upside-down when he gets a phone call saying he has 88 minutes to live. Overall, I must say this movie delivered an exciting story with just the right number of plot twists. While the overall story remains pretty clean and to the point. Worth the money.
One of the other movies I saw ended up being one of the most messed up movies I have ever seen. A Clockwork Orange. There is more sexual imagery in the first part than nearly any other movie I've seen, not to mention the senseless violence and violation with large... objects... After all the lead-in violence, nudity, and bars filled with chairs and benches made out of naked female
mannequins, the story itself is actually one that has a message of sorts. It's a movie that leaves you thinking: "What. The. Hell. Was. That." then after the initial shock wears off, "That was a good movie".
I also saw Lord of War, starring a favorite of mine: Nick Cage. The story of a gun smuggler, it follows Cage's character through his illegal life, along with the effects it has on the people around him, and an interesting look at the morality of the trade. Another good movie that makes it on my favorites list.
Music wise I ran into a band called Titofelix, a small band that found themselves featured on Audiosurf Radio. In that short little stint I fell in love with two of their songs, "Anak" and "A Way to Everything" Both good songs that are definitely worth the free download at their website: http://www.titofelix.com/
Also coming in under the category of music, I bring you a band that's been around for a while but never really made it all to big. Never Heard Of It's contribution to this months review is the song Something Out There. It's an awesome story song about a family that had been torn apart by a fight and were reunited over the bed of the dying father figure. While there they stand by, ever watchful, over their dad. It's an awesome, inspiring song that I have yet to find on the internet anywhere anymore legitimate than Myspace. You can find the song Something Out There on my main Myspace page here: http://www.myspace.com/galaxia26 . I'm sure they'd love it if you clicked through and left a nice comment or two.
There goes part 1! In Saturday's post, I'll cover Anime, Webcomics, and Games.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Okay, so I'm hormonal.
Yeah... So I completely lost it yesterday. There was so much more to it than just "She found a guy". There was, "She never read the blog post I wrote for her to tell her how much I feel for her, and on top of that, she found a guy"
You might have read it, and it is here, but it's a moot point now. I don't want her to read it. I think trying to get her to read it now would just complicate things in her life more than they need to be. She's happy with "Mr. Perfect" (at least, she THINKS he is) I might try again if anything goes wrong with this guy, depending on if there's someone else I find myself in love with.
Anyway, after that last emotional malfunction, I find myself just as cheery as ever. It's not without help from you guys. Special shouts to Mel, Shelle, and Jas. You guys helped a lot.
Well, it looks like I'm spending another weekend at home. Usually that would piss me off, but considering my cousin is graduating on the 17th, and there is supposed to be a HUGE party afterward, I think I might be able to wait. If I can I might try and get together with another good friend of mine who is a little closer, but most likely just as busy. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. If not, the scenery nearby is BEAUTIFUL this time of year, and I haven't taken my camera out and taken any good scenery pictures yet.
You might have read it, and it is here, but it's a moot point now. I don't want her to read it. I think trying to get her to read it now would just complicate things in her life more than they need to be. She's happy with "Mr. Perfect" (at least, she THINKS he is) I might try again if anything goes wrong with this guy, depending on if there's someone else I find myself in love with.
Anyway, after that last emotional malfunction, I find myself just as cheery as ever. It's not without help from you guys. Special shouts to Mel, Shelle, and Jas. You guys helped a lot.
Well, it looks like I'm spending another weekend at home. Usually that would piss me off, but considering my cousin is graduating on the 17th, and there is supposed to be a HUGE party afterward, I think I might be able to wait. If I can I might try and get together with another good friend of mine who is a little closer, but most likely just as busy. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. If not, the scenery nearby is BEAUTIFUL this time of year, and I haven't taken my camera out and taken any good scenery pictures yet.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
She found a guy
Should I be disappointed? I mean, yeah I want her to be happy, but I still can't help but feel it's my fault I didn't keep up with her. It's depressing to think that I might have had a chance if I'd kept up a little more, but I got busy. Between work, schoolwork, chores, family stuff, etc. I didn't have time to chat when she had time. I lost my chance because of it.
Cue self loathing?
I hope not. I'm going to get a lot of sympathy. My cousin was rooting for me, my mother was happy about it, everyone else I knew thought she was a good match. I on the other hand... I feel horrible. I don't want sympathy, I want someone to help me move on, get over her, etc.
BAH
Guess I'm not taking her to my cousin's graduation.
Cue self loathing?
I hope not. I'm going to get a lot of sympathy. My cousin was rooting for me, my mother was happy about it, everyone else I knew thought she was a good match. I on the other hand... I feel horrible. I don't want sympathy, I want someone to help me move on, get over her, etc.
BAH
Guess I'm not taking her to my cousin's graduation.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Wait, so people actually READ this?
Wow... so I walk into IRC today and get all kinds of hugs from people. I guess the either have me RSS-ed or were linked by someone who does. To all of you: I LOVE YOU GUYS!
Ahem... anyway, I got my Megatokyo bag in the mail today and realized how awesome it was to have my company name under my name... Dented Helm Productions sounds so professional.
Loaded up, it contains: My phone, my camera, my palm, a pad of white 8.5x11 paper, a binder, a small notebook I'm writing a story in, a set of sketching/shading pencils, thin tipped sharpie, regular sharpie, mechanical pencil, pencil sharpener, Bic Velocity Gel pen... black, Bic Velocity ballpoint pen... red... blue, spray-on deodorant, Listerine breath strips/spray, toothbrush, toothpaste, wallet, and some business cards in the back ID pocket.
Anyway, thanks for reading everyone, I wasn't expecting it XD
Ahem... anyway, I got my Megatokyo bag in the mail today and realized how awesome it was to have my company name under my name... Dented Helm Productions sounds so professional.
Loaded up, it contains: My phone, my camera, my palm, a pad of white 8.5x11 paper, a binder, a small notebook I'm writing a story in, a set of sketching/shading pencils, thin tipped sharpie, regular sharpie, mechanical pencil, pencil sharpener, Bic Velocity Gel pen... black, Bic Velocity ballpoint pen... red... blue, spray-on deodorant, Listerine breath strips/spray, toothbrush, toothpaste, wallet, and some business cards in the back ID pocket.
Anyway, thanks for reading everyone, I wasn't expecting it XD
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Today fails.
Today sucked. It wasn't one of those days where everyone was pissed off and angry. I'd prefer that to what today was. Oh no, it was worse than that. I've been late to everything today. Not necessarily physically late for things, but mentally I just wasn't there.
So I'm pretty much just depressed. Feeling a little behind. Lonely mostly.
What was really where it hit me hard how much this day sucked, was when I was finally done with what I had to do and was ready to go chat with people... everyone had gone to bed. Nobody was doing anything on cam, the chat rooms were devoid of the regulars I so adored, and the foreign people were off doing other things.
I miss them already. I feel bad for not even having had the chance to say goodnight. But why?
These people are the closest thing to friends I see more than once a week. It's both a brilliant part of the internet, and it's dark underbelly. It's addictive. While yes, I would much rather prefer to hang out with real people in the real world, I enjoy people online better because I don't have to look far to find someone who's like me, who shares the same interests I do. The problem lies in that I can't just have friends on the internet. I need touch, perspective, to actually go somewhere with someone and be away from home.
I think I'll get away for the weekend. Go see my cousin and his friends, if I can. If I can't, I think this weekend would be a good weekend to go meet someone new. Maybe more gamers? Someone I know from one of these Colorado gaming websites, perhaps?
I don't know. What should I do? How do I ask my mother? All these questions fly through my mind. The problem lies in that nobody I'm going to want to hang out with will be accepted by my mom, or stepdad for that matter.
This freaks me out though... I'm so suddenly depressed for no real easily discernible reason.
*sigh*, Trackmania, please save me. Even the motivational poster lookalikes are funny... all of them. I need help.
So I'm pretty much just depressed. Feeling a little behind. Lonely mostly.
What was really where it hit me hard how much this day sucked, was when I was finally done with what I had to do and was ready to go chat with people... everyone had gone to bed. Nobody was doing anything on cam, the chat rooms were devoid of the regulars I so adored, and the foreign people were off doing other things.
I miss them already. I feel bad for not even having had the chance to say goodnight. But why?
These people are the closest thing to friends I see more than once a week. It's both a brilliant part of the internet, and it's dark underbelly. It's addictive. While yes, I would much rather prefer to hang out with real people in the real world, I enjoy people online better because I don't have to look far to find someone who's like me, who shares the same interests I do. The problem lies in that I can't just have friends on the internet. I need touch, perspective, to actually go somewhere with someone and be away from home.
I think I'll get away for the weekend. Go see my cousin and his friends, if I can. If I can't, I think this weekend would be a good weekend to go meet someone new. Maybe more gamers? Someone I know from one of these Colorado gaming websites, perhaps?
I don't know. What should I do? How do I ask my mother? All these questions fly through my mind. The problem lies in that nobody I'm going to want to hang out with will be accepted by my mom, or stepdad for that matter.
This freaks me out though... I'm so suddenly depressed for no real easily discernible reason.
*sigh*, Trackmania, please save me. Even the motivational poster lookalikes are funny... all of them. I need help.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
The Real America
Recently my local grocery store underwent a renovation. Today I took my first trip into that store, which we had avoided for years. Why, you ask? Well, simply and shallowly, I did NOT enjoy the company. Specifically, the area has a few problems with illegal immigrants, people living here without knowing English, etc. etc. It's a family prejudice I'm not happy about, but unfortunately due to the highly political nature of my stepfather, the people who don't know English bother me quite a bit. Perhaps it's the knowledge they aren't even making an effort. Whatever the reason, the distaste was there. The utter dislike for the lack of melting-pot mentality they had. They didn't blend, they diluted.
But today, of all days, we went to this store again to see how the inside looked post-renovation. It was like a blast to the past. Sure, the store felt more "homey" instead of that ugly white-tile floor, white ceiling tiles, white metal isles and end-cap look, but that's not what changed my mind about the area.
For once I saw a melting pot. I saw people of many nationalities, most of which were speaking English. There were people of Mexican descent who actually KNEW ENGLISH. It was refreshing, it was incredible. I once again had faith in the melting-pot mentality. Perhaps though, it's not because they're leaving, or changing their ways... Perhaps it's the Avanza supermarket a few streets away, and the Rancho Liboro opening up across the street, but for once the store felt like it did when I was a kid.
I remember back to when you'd walk into a store and see Russians, Germans, Chinese, Brits, Mexicans, Canadians, all together as one community in the same place. Perhaps I noticed it more when I was a kid, but where I grew up there was diversity. I'm not all that old either. I'm seventeen. In ten years, did the world change so much?
I felt the Real America, as it was intended, today.
But today, of all days, we went to this store again to see how the inside looked post-renovation. It was like a blast to the past. Sure, the store felt more "homey" instead of that ugly white-tile floor, white ceiling tiles, white metal isles and end-cap look, but that's not what changed my mind about the area.
For once I saw a melting pot. I saw people of many nationalities, most of which were speaking English. There were people of Mexican descent who actually KNEW ENGLISH. It was refreshing, it was incredible. I once again had faith in the melting-pot mentality. Perhaps though, it's not because they're leaving, or changing their ways... Perhaps it's the Avanza supermarket a few streets away, and the Rancho Liboro opening up across the street, but for once the store felt like it did when I was a kid.
I remember back to when you'd walk into a store and see Russians, Germans, Chinese, Brits, Mexicans, Canadians, all together as one community in the same place. Perhaps I noticed it more when I was a kid, but where I grew up there was diversity. I'm not all that old either. I'm seventeen. In ten years, did the world change so much?
I felt the Real America, as it was intended, today.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Exciting... randomly.
Well, so many things to blog about this weekend so far. Let's start with the bad news, then move to the good news, then to bad news again.
The bad news: My computer died again. It hung this morning(afternoon) when I moved the mouse to bring the monitors back. I hit the button to restart it, and it entered the endless loop of bluescreens. I tried a repair install, no dice. It got to the reinstalling drivers part, asked me to install mouse and keyboard drivers... after uninstalling the mouse and keyboard drivers. FUN!
At least I got that back up today. Everything's installed again sans games. I'm going to try to avoid playing games and get some schoolwork done. Only less than a year behind... not SO bad.
Yesterday I managed to get to Best Buy with my pay and got myself a digital camera. I ended up with a Canon PowerShot SD570. Has a nice big screen, nearly instant save time, and accepts SD cards for storage. At 7.1 megapixels, I think it will do the job nicely.
Oh, yeah, that last little tidbit of bad news? My grandmother almost killed my grandfather with a drug overdose. See, what happened was... My grandmother prepares his pills, cutting them in half, sorting them and whatnot, and places them into a prescription pill bottle she saved from one of his other meds. Well she manages to hand him the wrong bottle, instead of his regular pills he got a whole half month's dose of blood pressure meds. The kind that lower your blood pressure.
They called the doc, and the doc sent an ambulance to the house. Thing is, they were at work. My mother, in her PJ's, doesn't answer the front door because she just got up, and figures it's just someone selling something. The paramedics, now joined by firemen, jumped the fence, and decided to knock on the back door. Now they started hollering to check and see if the guy they were looking for had been hard of hearing. Mom hears the yells, runs up the stairs, and answers the back door. She told them that there wasn't anyone at home at the moment, and nobody with a drug overdose as far as she was aware.
She rings me up to make sure everything is okay. You might note now that I'm at work with my grandparents, and I have no idea there's anything wrong. I tell her that everyone here(at work) is okay. I tell my co-worker about it, then go back behind our driers to load stuff into our washers. I was back there a good ten minutes before I heard her shout "Chris! Come look! They're here now!". O_o
Sure enough, they were called to haul my grandfather away. He left on his own power though, so that wasn't too bad. They kept him overnight and I guess he's going to be just fine, if not a little sleepy.
Crazyness.
The bad news: My computer died again. It hung this morning(afternoon) when I moved the mouse to bring the monitors back. I hit the button to restart it, and it entered the endless loop of bluescreens. I tried a repair install, no dice. It got to the reinstalling drivers part, asked me to install mouse and keyboard drivers... after uninstalling the mouse and keyboard drivers. FUN!
At least I got that back up today. Everything's installed again sans games. I'm going to try to avoid playing games and get some schoolwork done. Only less than a year behind... not SO bad.
Yesterday I managed to get to Best Buy with my pay and got myself a digital camera. I ended up with a Canon PowerShot SD570. Has a nice big screen, nearly instant save time, and accepts SD cards for storage. At 7.1 megapixels, I think it will do the job nicely.
Oh, yeah, that last little tidbit of bad news? My grandmother almost killed my grandfather with a drug overdose. See, what happened was... My grandmother prepares his pills, cutting them in half, sorting them and whatnot, and places them into a prescription pill bottle she saved from one of his other meds. Well she manages to hand him the wrong bottle, instead of his regular pills he got a whole half month's dose of blood pressure meds. The kind that lower your blood pressure.
They called the doc, and the doc sent an ambulance to the house. Thing is, they were at work. My mother, in her PJ's, doesn't answer the front door because she just got up, and figures it's just someone selling something. The paramedics, now joined by firemen, jumped the fence, and decided to knock on the back door. Now they started hollering to check and see if the guy they were looking for had been hard of hearing. Mom hears the yells, runs up the stairs, and answers the back door. She told them that there wasn't anyone at home at the moment, and nobody with a drug overdose as far as she was aware.
She rings me up to make sure everything is okay. You might note now that I'm at work with my grandparents, and I have no idea there's anything wrong. I tell her that everyone here(at work) is okay. I tell my co-worker about it, then go back behind our driers to load stuff into our washers. I was back there a good ten minutes before I heard her shout "Chris! Come look! They're here now!". O_o
Sure enough, they were called to haul my grandfather away. He left on his own power though, so that wasn't too bad. They kept him overnight and I guess he's going to be just fine, if not a little sleepy.
Crazyness.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I just took a nap.
Yeah, I know. It sounds funny doesn't it. There I was, minding my own business watching Robin Hood: Men in Tights, when I suddenly find myself more than halfway through The Prestige, laying in a small puddle of my own drool on the couch. I fell asleep, which is strange considering I had a perfectly awake day. I guess it wasn't enough activity for me. Oh well, a nap is a nap.
I'm a little annoyed, however, by my family's stupid habit of assuming there's a liner in the kitchen trash can. You know the cans with the dome tops and the lids that have the little roll up thing to open them? I can't find a picture ATM, but that's what we have. Anyway, it seems everyone has developed the habit of just opening the lid, not bothering to check the liner, and throw their garbage in it.
That itself wouldn't be so bad, excepting the fact that I am the one who changes the trash bag. I had to reach in there among the bad potatoes, banana peels, macaroni and cheese, and coffee grounds, to retrieve the liner. So you ask, why didn't you just put a bag on top and dump? Well my dears, the simple fact of the matter is that our garbage weighs anywhere between 15 and 50 pounds. I can barely lift the bag out of the can sometimes let alone the can itself, considering it weighs around five pounds itself.
Now, the first thing I had to do when I got up from my lovely spontaneous nap, was to change said trash bag. That only compounded the frustration. So now not only was I pissed about reaching down amidst the worst garbage you could fathom, I had to do it minutes after I woke up.
Blargh.
I'm a little annoyed, however, by my family's stupid habit of assuming there's a liner in the kitchen trash can. You know the cans with the dome tops and the lids that have the little roll up thing to open them? I can't find a picture ATM, but that's what we have. Anyway, it seems everyone has developed the habit of just opening the lid, not bothering to check the liner, and throw their garbage in it.
That itself wouldn't be so bad, excepting the fact that I am the one who changes the trash bag. I had to reach in there among the bad potatoes, banana peels, macaroni and cheese, and coffee grounds, to retrieve the liner. So you ask, why didn't you just put a bag on top and dump? Well my dears, the simple fact of the matter is that our garbage weighs anywhere between 15 and 50 pounds. I can barely lift the bag out of the can sometimes let alone the can itself, considering it weighs around five pounds itself.
Now, the first thing I had to do when I got up from my lovely spontaneous nap, was to change said trash bag. That only compounded the frustration. So now not only was I pissed about reaching down amidst the worst garbage you could fathom, I had to do it minutes after I woke up.
Blargh.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
So what DOES a Jarannicus Orranicus DO
Okay, I know. I said I would update this regularly. Well, since I wrote that last entry I got a new computer, had some problems with it, replaced the bad parts, had some more, and finally I think I have it ironed out.
Work has been okay, I guess. Lots of laundry. Money is good though, always a good thing to have on hand.
Not much to report otherwise I guess. No news is good news, as the saying goes.
Update: Because I feel this is a little... halfhearted, this post is now called "So what DOES a Jarannicus Orranicus DO". Well, I decided I would tell you all, which is pretty much just Shelle, because I feel like a linkwhore spamvertizer if I link my blog to anyone really, WHAT I DO IN MY FREE TIME (rather, what I do when I'm so busy I manage to not pay attention to people for a few minutes), and also the playlist I've been looping for a while, SO ANYWAY, here goes.
To start with what I'm doing when I'm not paying attention to you, I will go ahead and say if you've never heard of Loading Ready Run, head on over to http://www.loadingreadyrun.com and watch some of the popular videos on the right hand side a ways down. Chances are, if you either use stumbleupon, like pirates and talk like a pirate day, or read news about that frenzy over the Mass Effect "sex scene with EXPLICIT NUDITY!!!!111!1!!!ONEONEONE!", then you'll recognize one of the videos over there. These guys are so awesome, after my third day of watching their videos, I bought a shirt. Yeah.
Big shout to my most recent refresh-button-hog, G.O.D. over at http://www.grumpyolddad.com I've known this guy for a few years. He's just getting his blog set up so there's not much there, worth watching IMO.
As for webcomics, the list is numerous. There's Ctrl-Alt-Del, Questionable Content, Megatokyo, Masago: The Restaurant, Fanboys, Dueling Analogs and Applegeeks. I'm feeling lazy, too much to to give you a link to each and every one. Google them.
Usually other than that, it's whatever I StumbleUpon that day. That usually gives me a few hours of entertainment.
The past few months have been good for stumbling upon things that I find awesome, or cool, or entertaining, or catchy. The catchiest of which has to be "Here comes another bubble" by The Richter Scales (link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6IQ_FOCE6I ).
Well, that's pretty much it for random internet stuff, the rest of it's the usual IRC chatting, AIM chatting, MSN chatting, video chatting, and of course, scrabble.
This week, my favored playlist contains:
Flogging Molly - Requiem For A Dying Song
Maroon Five - Won't Go Home Without You
Brand New - Soco Amaretto Lime
Cute Is What We Aim For - The Curse of Curves
Eagles - Journey of the Sorcerer
Eve 6 - Inside Out
Fatboy Slim - Wonderful Night
Finger Eleven - One Thing
Foolsgarden - Yellow Lemon Tree
Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta
Matchbox 20 - How Far We've Come
The Matches - Chain Me Free
Meese - The Start Of It
PlayRadioPlay! - Confines of Gravity
Rooney - When Did Your Heart Go Missing
Spoon - I Turn My Camera On
Talking Heads - Once in a Lifetime
Tickle Me Pink - Typical
The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony
VHS or Beta - Can't Believe a Single Word
Victims of Science - The Device Has Been Modified
and of course:
The Richter Scales - Here Comes Another Bubble
So that's about it for me today, this week, this month, however long it is before I next update my blog... hopefully won't be too long.
Work has been okay, I guess. Lots of laundry. Money is good though, always a good thing to have on hand.
Not much to report otherwise I guess. No news is good news, as the saying goes.
Update: Because I feel this is a little... halfhearted, this post is now called "So what DOES a Jarannicus Orranicus DO". Well, I decided I would tell you all, which is pretty much just Shelle, because I feel like a linkwhore spamvertizer if I link my blog to anyone really, WHAT I DO IN MY FREE TIME (rather, what I do when I'm so busy I manage to not pay attention to people for a few minutes), and also the playlist I've been looping for a while, SO ANYWAY, here goes.
To start with what I'm doing when I'm not paying attention to you, I will go ahead and say if you've never heard of Loading Ready Run, head on over to http://www.loadingreadyrun.com and watch some of the popular videos on the right hand side a ways down. Chances are, if you either use stumbleupon, like pirates and talk like a pirate day, or read news about that frenzy over the Mass Effect "sex scene with EXPLICIT NUDITY!!!!111!1!!!ONEONEONE!", then you'll recognize one of the videos over there. These guys are so awesome, after my third day of watching their videos, I bought a shirt. Yeah.
Big shout to my most recent refresh-button-hog, G.O.D. over at http://www.grumpyolddad.com I've known this guy for a few years. He's just getting his blog set up so there's not much there, worth watching IMO.
As for webcomics, the list is numerous. There's Ctrl-Alt-Del, Questionable Content, Megatokyo, Masago: The Restaurant, Fanboys, Dueling Analogs and Applegeeks. I'm feeling lazy, too much to to give you a link to each and every one. Google them.
Usually other than that, it's whatever I StumbleUpon that day. That usually gives me a few hours of entertainment.
The past few months have been good for stumbling upon things that I find awesome, or cool, or entertaining, or catchy. The catchiest of which has to be "Here comes another bubble" by The Richter Scales (link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6IQ_FOCE6I ).
Well, that's pretty much it for random internet stuff, the rest of it's the usual IRC chatting, AIM chatting, MSN chatting, video chatting, and of course, scrabble.
This week, my favored playlist contains:
Flogging Molly - Requiem For A Dying Song
Maroon Five - Won't Go Home Without You
Brand New - Soco Amaretto Lime
Cute Is What We Aim For - The Curse of Curves
Eagles - Journey of the Sorcerer
Eve 6 - Inside Out
Fatboy Slim - Wonderful Night
Finger Eleven - One Thing
Foolsgarden - Yellow Lemon Tree
Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta
Matchbox 20 - How Far We've Come
The Matches - Chain Me Free
Meese - The Start Of It
PlayRadioPlay! - Confines of Gravity
Rooney - When Did Your Heart Go Missing
Spoon - I Turn My Camera On
Talking Heads - Once in a Lifetime
Tickle Me Pink - Typical
The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony
VHS or Beta - Can't Believe a Single Word
Victims of Science - The Device Has Been Modified
and of course:
The Richter Scales - Here Comes Another Bubble
So that's about it for me today, this week, this month, however long it is before I next update my blog... hopefully won't be too long.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Good morning world... again
(It's a damned novel, but trust me, it's worth it.)
Hey. I guess this is more of a diary than anything else, but I don't believe that any of my thoughts should be hidden within, or in a book that only I see. I want people to understand me for who I am and why I am the way I am.
I've tried this several times in the past but then I get lazy This time I'm going to try to stick with it. It's going to be big, I know it, I feel it, it's going to help me cope with things, help me decide, help people understand me, help them know who I really am. I feel it all coming, like a change in the weather. My knees are stiff, my shoulders ache. It's more than that. That awesome tingly feeling deep down within that starts small and spreads infinitely to every corner of my being is beginning it's slow spread.
I'm not... average. I hate to say normal there, because normal isn't real. There isn't a normal, we're all normal to ourselves, and weird to everyone else. It's these quirks that make us who we are. There is one thing I can say though, and it's that this experience, this life, this existence, is made for people like me.
I look at the world as if it's a playground. An area for me to roam around in, to do whatever I want, to have fun doing it. Everyone needs to live life this way.
I'm Chris, a sixteen-going-on-seventeen year old male. I grew up in a series of basements, moving from one house to another, living with grandparents, for most of all my life so far. My father left us when he found out my mother was pregnant with me. The people I grew up around were mostly family, my grandmother, aunt, and cousin, then later my sister. After my sister's father decided to divorce my mother, it became a house with only one male, Me.
I went to elementary school, homeschooled for first and second grade, went back, then left again during my fifth grade year. I had friends, I had clothes on my back, and I had food. I never needed more, even though I asked. I learned my mother couldn't make enough money to provide for all the things I wanted while still taking care of me when I wasn't at school. I never needed attention, or punishment, or mental therapy. Even though I saw that my friends had two parents each, I didn't mind because all I needed was my mother. Yeah, I'm a momma's boy.
She was there for me my whole life, provided the things she could, treating me and my sister when she had the money. Grandma would take me to go eat fancy dinners, the waitresses would always comment on how much I could eat.
I had everything I needed. Family and friends.
I could lean on my family when times were tough. I could cry and have my mother comfort me. There was a hug whenever I needed one. I had a happy childhood. I'm grateful for it.
The way I was brought up has a large impact on my outlook on the world. Because I always had someone there for me, there was never any pent-up emotion. It all just... flows. It wasn't just someone though, it was my mother. She gave me strength when I was about to fall. Not some babysitter, or day-care cowboy, corralling children, keeping an eye on them. No, this was my mother, someone who shares my blood, that will always be there even after she's passed on. There will always be a little of mom in me.
Can day-care raised kids say that, I wonder? Is it a piece of Day Care Lady Jane that they keep with them? Hmmm...
The way I see the world... it's easy to explain but seemingly hard for people to implement because they have learned all their lives that happiness comes from having stuff, not relationships. Parents never there for their children try to make up for it with stuff. Time is of the essence.
The way I see the world... is that if you aren't having fun, you aren't doing it right. Because I was raised down near the bottom, I set my sights high and don't have any hard feelings when I'm let down. I know that failure is how we grow, how we learn. I know that things you can hold are more fleeting than things you can feel inside.
When I work, I don't think of it as work. I fold sheets and towels and napkins. Hundreds at a time. It's repetitive motion that would drain anyone else. It's drudgery. Hour after hour of folding things the same exact way. I MAKE it fun. I throw on a pair of headphones, crank up the happy hardcore dance music, and dance my way through the day. Not only am I more efficient and more awake, but I'm having fun, enjoying the hours and hours of towels and sheets and napkins.
I can do this because I know that there will always be something exciting around the bend, something new and fun to try out, new people to meet, and new feelings to have. Yeah, I know some not-so-ideal things can happen that will probably bring me down, but you know what I do to get through the tough? I take what I have and run with it. I'll pull out Counter-Strike: Source and play some deathmatch rounds. It's how I got through my sister moving to Arizona to live with her dad.
I, on the inside, am three different people. Not three personalities, or three people really, but more three versions of me. Three moods.
The first, which is the real me, the inside me that doesn't really get out much, is an arrogant, self-centered, happy, and fun-loving, romantic.
The second me is the Family me. The person who's brought out into the open when I'm around my family. Family me is considerate, loving, happy, content, respectful, and very quiet, afraid to challenge authority.
The third me, the friends me, comes out after a buffer period of about 6-10 hours. It's patient, waiting for the family me to go away. It's quiet, a follower, eager to please, semi-arrogant, and ready to make it's own choices in life. It's the closest to me I really get out in the real world.
The second Me has trouble with choices. I'm always a follower in mode 2. I do what I'm told, though I hold off on doing it for a long time... lazy bum.
The third Me is better, but only with changes that have consequences for just me. I can't make decisions for other people, even when they ask me my opinion on something. Often when everyone else has had a chance to decide what we do, the decision will come to me. I draw a blank, like there's nothing I would ever want to do.
Recently a fourth Me has come into the picture. This, strangely enough, is a me I can only be when I'm around a certain person. I'm beginning to realize that the statement "missing what's right in front of your face" applies here. I've been jealous of my friend and his girlfriend. I want what they have. A serious relationship, something I've never had. I went out searching for a girl that would be someone I could do that with. All I found were girls who wanted few things, sex, money, gifts, looks. There weren't any who would like me for who I am, or for what I wanted out of the relationship.
I was looking too far from home. Looking past someone who has been in my mind the whole time I've known her. I need to get this out there so those not quite in the loop can keep up with how things are going with me, and how I've been feeling recently, but I'm sure she'll see it. It's a confusing situation for me. I guess it wouldn't hurt eh? Better to be out in the open than be hiding behind a shallow facade.
I've known this girl for a few years now, not really talking to her much even though I've been dying to talk to her for the longest time. A family friend's daughter, in fact. Between the time I first met her and the next time I really saw her, I grew very shy. I was having problems talking to people, girls more so. It's got to be coming on five years now. At the beginning of this month, though, I broke through that. I talked to her at a party, and now she knows I'm talking about her. I guess I was a hit, because for some strange reason, that little bit of conversation was worthy of a hug when she left. It felt awesome. Started off the year the right way. (I probably won't have the balls to tell you this in person, BTW.)
So we got together a week or so after that. Mainly on my suggestion I think. I still feel way too forward about the way that went down, and the way things are going on now. Anyway >.<
The whole trip was awkward for me, I felt odd. She kept losing me. I was still in "follower" mode, and wasn't really standing next to her, but more behind her. I feel bad for that, that I didn't stay closer. She kept looking around and saying "Where's Chris at?". I was invisible, and not by being excluded. Oh no, I was never excluded. I just... it was instinct, something that I need to break out of. I unintentionally hid out of sight. I subconsciously was afraid of being seen, of being noticed, of being included. I kept trying to stop myself from fading away into the background, but I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't.
It took the car trip home to realize what I had missed, what I wanted to be a part of so badly, was more than that. It was somewhere I could feel comfortable. She threw vagina insults at her sister's friend. That's what won me over in the end. That's what made me feel comfortable finally. It was a huge weight off my shoulders. I felt released from the bonds my subconscious had placed on me. Unrestrained, uninhibited. Happy.
Being in that car with her made me happy. Being with her makes me happy, even if just for a little bit. It always has, just been dulled by the endless banging of my subconscious saying NO! DON'T SAY ANYTHING, YOU'LL FUCK IT UP. I couldn't be me before.
We haven't done anything since then, and I'm really eager to. I want to get together with her again soon, so I can see if the bonds have really been lifted, if I'll really feel comfortable, if I can be happy like that again. If I can be me again, the romantic that dreams of a perfectly happy relationship instead of meaningless sex, dreams of just being with someone else and having that be all that's required for happiness.
Let's pray I don't mess this up. I hope I can do it without being too forward.
Now if my cousin reads this like I'm going to ask him to, I hope you'll still respect me. That you'll still think of me in the same way, just with a better understanding of what the hell goes on in this head of mine. This is who I am, the me I have a hard time sharing with everyone.
Hey. I guess this is more of a diary than anything else, but I don't believe that any of my thoughts should be hidden within, or in a book that only I see. I want people to understand me for who I am and why I am the way I am.
I've tried this several times in the past but then I get lazy This time I'm going to try to stick with it. It's going to be big, I know it, I feel it, it's going to help me cope with things, help me decide, help people understand me, help them know who I really am. I feel it all coming, like a change in the weather. My knees are stiff, my shoulders ache. It's more than that. That awesome tingly feeling deep down within that starts small and spreads infinitely to every corner of my being is beginning it's slow spread.
I'm not... average. I hate to say normal there, because normal isn't real. There isn't a normal, we're all normal to ourselves, and weird to everyone else. It's these quirks that make us who we are. There is one thing I can say though, and it's that this experience, this life, this existence, is made for people like me.
I look at the world as if it's a playground. An area for me to roam around in, to do whatever I want, to have fun doing it. Everyone needs to live life this way.
I'm Chris, a sixteen-going-on-seventeen year old male. I grew up in a series of basements, moving from one house to another, living with grandparents, for most of all my life so far. My father left us when he found out my mother was pregnant with me. The people I grew up around were mostly family, my grandmother, aunt, and cousin, then later my sister. After my sister's father decided to divorce my mother, it became a house with only one male, Me.
I went to elementary school, homeschooled for first and second grade, went back, then left again during my fifth grade year. I had friends, I had clothes on my back, and I had food. I never needed more, even though I asked. I learned my mother couldn't make enough money to provide for all the things I wanted while still taking care of me when I wasn't at school. I never needed attention, or punishment, or mental therapy. Even though I saw that my friends had two parents each, I didn't mind because all I needed was my mother. Yeah, I'm a momma's boy.
She was there for me my whole life, provided the things she could, treating me and my sister when she had the money. Grandma would take me to go eat fancy dinners, the waitresses would always comment on how much I could eat.
I had everything I needed. Family and friends.
I could lean on my family when times were tough. I could cry and have my mother comfort me. There was a hug whenever I needed one. I had a happy childhood. I'm grateful for it.
The way I was brought up has a large impact on my outlook on the world. Because I always had someone there for me, there was never any pent-up emotion. It all just... flows. It wasn't just someone though, it was my mother. She gave me strength when I was about to fall. Not some babysitter, or day-care cowboy, corralling children, keeping an eye on them. No, this was my mother, someone who shares my blood, that will always be there even after she's passed on. There will always be a little of mom in me.
Can day-care raised kids say that, I wonder? Is it a piece of Day Care Lady Jane that they keep with them? Hmmm...
The way I see the world... it's easy to explain but seemingly hard for people to implement because they have learned all their lives that happiness comes from having stuff, not relationships. Parents never there for their children try to make up for it with stuff. Time is of the essence.
The way I see the world... is that if you aren't having fun, you aren't doing it right. Because I was raised down near the bottom, I set my sights high and don't have any hard feelings when I'm let down. I know that failure is how we grow, how we learn. I know that things you can hold are more fleeting than things you can feel inside.
When I work, I don't think of it as work. I fold sheets and towels and napkins. Hundreds at a time. It's repetitive motion that would drain anyone else. It's drudgery. Hour after hour of folding things the same exact way. I MAKE it fun. I throw on a pair of headphones, crank up the happy hardcore dance music, and dance my way through the day. Not only am I more efficient and more awake, but I'm having fun, enjoying the hours and hours of towels and sheets and napkins.
I can do this because I know that there will always be something exciting around the bend, something new and fun to try out, new people to meet, and new feelings to have. Yeah, I know some not-so-ideal things can happen that will probably bring me down, but you know what I do to get through the tough? I take what I have and run with it. I'll pull out Counter-Strike: Source and play some deathmatch rounds. It's how I got through my sister moving to Arizona to live with her dad.
I, on the inside, am three different people. Not three personalities, or three people really, but more three versions of me. Three moods.
The first, which is the real me, the inside me that doesn't really get out much, is an arrogant, self-centered, happy, and fun-loving, romantic.
The second me is the Family me. The person who's brought out into the open when I'm around my family. Family me is considerate, loving, happy, content, respectful, and very quiet, afraid to challenge authority.
The third me, the friends me, comes out after a buffer period of about 6-10 hours. It's patient, waiting for the family me to go away. It's quiet, a follower, eager to please, semi-arrogant, and ready to make it's own choices in life. It's the closest to me I really get out in the real world.
The second Me has trouble with choices. I'm always a follower in mode 2. I do what I'm told, though I hold off on doing it for a long time... lazy bum.
The third Me is better, but only with changes that have consequences for just me. I can't make decisions for other people, even when they ask me my opinion on something. Often when everyone else has had a chance to decide what we do, the decision will come to me. I draw a blank, like there's nothing I would ever want to do.
Recently a fourth Me has come into the picture. This, strangely enough, is a me I can only be when I'm around a certain person. I'm beginning to realize that the statement "missing what's right in front of your face" applies here. I've been jealous of my friend and his girlfriend. I want what they have. A serious relationship, something I've never had. I went out searching for a girl that would be someone I could do that with. All I found were girls who wanted few things, sex, money, gifts, looks. There weren't any who would like me for who I am, or for what I wanted out of the relationship.
I was looking too far from home. Looking past someone who has been in my mind the whole time I've known her. I need to get this out there so those not quite in the loop can keep up with how things are going with me, and how I've been feeling recently, but I'm sure she'll see it. It's a confusing situation for me. I guess it wouldn't hurt eh? Better to be out in the open than be hiding behind a shallow facade.
I've known this girl for a few years now, not really talking to her much even though I've been dying to talk to her for the longest time. A family friend's daughter, in fact. Between the time I first met her and the next time I really saw her, I grew very shy. I was having problems talking to people, girls more so. It's got to be coming on five years now. At the beginning of this month, though, I broke through that. I talked to her at a party, and now she knows I'm talking about her. I guess I was a hit, because for some strange reason, that little bit of conversation was worthy of a hug when she left. It felt awesome. Started off the year the right way. (I probably won't have the balls to tell you this in person, BTW.)
So we got together a week or so after that. Mainly on my suggestion I think. I still feel way too forward about the way that went down, and the way things are going on now. Anyway >.<
The whole trip was awkward for me, I felt odd. She kept losing me. I was still in "follower" mode, and wasn't really standing next to her, but more behind her. I feel bad for that, that I didn't stay closer. She kept looking around and saying "Where's Chris at?". I was invisible, and not by being excluded. Oh no, I was never excluded. I just... it was instinct, something that I need to break out of. I unintentionally hid out of sight. I subconsciously was afraid of being seen, of being noticed, of being included. I kept trying to stop myself from fading away into the background, but I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't.
It took the car trip home to realize what I had missed, what I wanted to be a part of so badly, was more than that. It was somewhere I could feel comfortable. She threw vagina insults at her sister's friend. That's what won me over in the end. That's what made me feel comfortable finally. It was a huge weight off my shoulders. I felt released from the bonds my subconscious had placed on me. Unrestrained, uninhibited. Happy.
Being in that car with her made me happy. Being with her makes me happy, even if just for a little bit. It always has, just been dulled by the endless banging of my subconscious saying NO! DON'T SAY ANYTHING, YOU'LL FUCK IT UP. I couldn't be me before.
We haven't done anything since then, and I'm really eager to. I want to get together with her again soon, so I can see if the bonds have really been lifted, if I'll really feel comfortable, if I can be happy like that again. If I can be me again, the romantic that dreams of a perfectly happy relationship instead of meaningless sex, dreams of just being with someone else and having that be all that's required for happiness.
Let's pray I don't mess this up. I hope I can do it without being too forward.
Now if my cousin reads this like I'm going to ask him to, I hope you'll still respect me. That you'll still think of me in the same way, just with a better understanding of what the hell goes on in this head of mine. This is who I am, the me I have a hard time sharing with everyone.
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